


The First Evil

by deathmarkedlove_archivist



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-29
Updated: 2007-01-29
Packaged: 2019-01-10 18:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12305277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathmarkedlove_archivist/pseuds/deathmarkedlove_archivist
Summary: Remember ‘The First Evil’ from Amends? ‘The First Evil’ is back, and trying to torture Spike. Will it succeed? Will Spike survive it? Will Spike just tell it to ‘piss off’? Will Buffy and the Scoobies finally accept him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Hils, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Death-Marked Love](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Death-Marked_Love). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the Death-Marked Love collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/deathmarkedlove/profile).

“My Spike… why do you fight it so? Why do you fight your true nature?” Dru cooed softly in his ear.

Spike knew he was dreaming. Everything was dark and he heard her voice calling out from the darkness- haunting him.

“They’ll never except you, you know. They can’t. They won’t. They don’t need you, my Spike. Return to me. Become who you truly are.” Dru’s voice continued softly.

“No, that’s not who I am anymore. Go away Dru.” Spike said harshly.

“Why…? Why do you try so hard? For those who despise you?” Her voice became harsher.

“I’ve changed. I’m in love with the Slayer.”

“Lies! All lies! Why do you punish Ms. Edith so? She cries all night now because our family is broken. You don’t really love the Slayer… how can you? You have the blood of the other two on your hands.” Dru appeared to him now, her tall thin body covered in shadows. She moved towards him seductively.

“Dru…don’t.” Spike warned.

“Do you remember the first? Her blood was so delicious. It swam throughout my body like little fishies. Chinese girls taste good.”

“Jeing Mei.” Spike said automatically, with out thought.

“You remember that night?” Dru ventured.

“How could I forget…?” Spike said in a sad, far away tone.

Suddenly the darkness lifted and he saw laying before him the body of Jeing Mei. Spike looked around and saw that he was in the Buddhist temple he killed her in during the Boxer Rebellion. He looked back down at the Slayer lying, dead on the ground.

Dead. Dead, but still warm.

“Tell my mother I’m sorry...” Jeing Mei’s voice echoes in his mind until suddenly her face morphs into Buffy’s. “Tell my mother I’m sorry…” Buffy’s voice says to him. A deep burning pain fills Spike’s heart, something akin to regret and remorse.

Spike awakens with a start, sitting straight up in his bed. He takes in deep un-needed breaths to calm his panic.

“Bloody hell…” Spike pants. He tossed the blankets aside and jumped out of bed. He climbed up the steps to the upper-level to retrieve his blood out of the refrigerator and glanced out the window to the now setting sun. It was almost time to go on patrol.

He downed his first jar of blood in moments, and was moving toward his second when he realized there is another presence in his crypt. He turned to search the shadows, but could see nothing.

“Come out where I can see you. I know you’re there.” Spike says while replacing the second glass jar back into the fridge. He was about to give whoever was lurking about an earful, and maybe a fistful, about coming into his crypt uninvited. Who he saw step out of the shadows, however, rendered him speechless…well, almost.

“Cecily?”

* * *

“Dawn!” Buffy yelled up the stairs to where her sister resided in her room. Seconds later, however, Dawn was clambering down the steps, standing before her sister.

“You bellowed?” Dawn asked as she came to the bottom step. She watched with even eyes as Buffy put on her jacket and picked up her slaying bag.

“You know the drill. In bed by 11, no HBO, and don’t forget to wash your dishes!” Buffy said the last with exasperation. Dawn constantly left her dirty dishes in the sink, never thinking about who washed them. Namely Buffy.

“What about…” Dawn trailed off, motioning to upstairs with a nod of her head. She was asking about Willow.

Buffy grimaced as a fresh wave of pain reminded her that her best friend had tried to make her forget about being in Heaven, but the spell had gone wrong, as usual with Willow’s spells.

Willow had been crushed when she realized that She hadn’t pulled Buffy out of Hell- she had pulled her out of Heaven, and had been depressed about it ever since. After Tara left her for breaking her promise to stop using magic, her depression increased tenfold. She barely ate anymore and spent most of her time locked away in her room.

But try as she might Buffy couldn’t conjure up any sympathy or compassion for Willow. Buffy felt cheated. Twice. Willow had stolen away her well earned peace by resurrecting her, and tried to take it away again with the forget spell. In fact it took a lot out of Buffy to try to not hate her best friend.

“I don’t know Dawn…listen, I’ve got to go.” Buffy said as she turned and opened the front door. “Good night.” She called to Dawn over her shoulder.

“ ’Night. Be careful.” Dawn called back before the door closed behind her sister.

Dawn sighed and crossed her arms. She stood there for a moment, glancing up the stairs, thinking about asking Willow if she wanted to do something, but then thought better of it. With a bored huff she turned and walked into the living room, flipping on the TV to HBO.

“Ooh, Sex and the City.”

* * *

Buffy sighed in annoyance as she dusted her seventh vamp of the evening. Spike had not shown for patrol and it was seriously annoying her.

“Damn peroxide pest. Where the hell is he? I am *so* gonna stake him for this...if he’s not already dust...” Buffy mumbled to herself as she stalked off in the direction of Spike’s crypt.

Damn him for making her worry about him. Didn’t he know she had enough to worry about? Why the hell was she worrying about him anyway? He’s evil. He’s an evil vampire. He’s an evil vampire that has tried to kill her more then several times. He’s an evil vampire that for some obscure reason she was attracted to, and liked to kiss him. Among other things…

Damn it! Bad Buffy! Bad thought! No Spike!

With another exasperated sigh (seemed like she was doing that an awful lot lately) she slammed open Spike’s crypt door, walking in without hesitation. She never told anyone, but she always slammed open Spike’s door for two reasons- the first was to announce her presence- why break with tradition? And the second…well, lets just say that she sometimes hoped to catch him at embarrassing moments. Well, and it was fun too. That nice, satisfying BAMB sound it made as it hit the stone wall. Okay, three reasons. But tonight she had no such luck. The top level was empty. A couple candles were lit, which meant that he was here. He never left candles burning while he was out. So that meant he was in the lower levels.

“Spike?” She called out as she got closer to the trap door in the ground. She listened closely and heard his voice growl, in what sounded like a heated conversation.

“Listen, I don’t give a damn about who you are. Leave me alone.” Spike growled. Buffy listened and was confused when she didn’t hear anything else for a few moments.

“Don’t try to pull that guilt crap on me, soulless vampire here, remember? So piss off!” Spike shouted.

Buffy was very confused now. Spike was talking to himself? Maybe he stole a cell phone or something… but who would he be talking to?

“Yeah, yeah. You said that already, ducks. ‘First Evil’, blah, blah, blah…. Christ. Now the Slayer has me talking like her….” Buffy heard another brief pause. “Don’t you bring the Slayer into this you bloody bint.” Spike said with real malice in his voice. What was that he said about The First Evil?

“I said, sod the bloody hell off! You’re little guilt trip isn’t working princess, so go torment someone else, eh? Try someone who cares.” Spike said in an annoyed tone.

Buffy was overly curious now...screw the cat.

“Spike?” Buffy called out as she descended the stairs to the lower level. When she first saw him, his back was turned from her and he was standing in the center of the room facing a wall as if talking to someone standing there.

He whirled around to face her. “Buffy.” He said in a much softer tone.

“Who were you talking to?”

“She can’t see me William. Only you can see me.” Cecily told him.

“What? Oh, uh, no one.” Spike replied to Buffy. Buffy gave him a skeptical look.

“Why didn’t you meet me for patrol?”

“Patrol? Oh..! Right. Sorry, must have slipped my mind.” Spike said. Buffy gave him another skeptical look. She was good at those.

“You never forget about patrol. In fact you’re usually early and have already started by the time I get there. What’s with you?”

“What’s wrong pet? Worried about me?” He offered her one of his more charming smirks. She could feel herself blushing.

“Ugh, no! I wasn’t before, but I think I am now, seeing how you were talking to yourself down here, Spike.”

“Well, I--” Spike started to say but ‘Cecily’ cut him off.

“She wouldn’t understand. You can’t tell her about me, William.”

“Stop calling me that.” Spike growled to Cecily. Unfortunately Buffy thought Spike was talking to her.

“Oookaayyy, what do you want me to call you then?” She ventured.

“What? Oh, never mind.” Spike sighed.

“Ok, what’s wrong with you? And don’t tell me nothing, cause something is definitely up.”

“Slayer, you wouldn’t understand.” Spike said wearily.

“That’s never stopped you before.” Buffy retorted. Spike raised both his eyebrows.

“True.” He shrugged.

“You can’t tell her about me William, she will think you’ve gone insane.” Cecily protests.

“Shut up you bloody bint, I’ll do as I damn well please.” He snorted at Cecily. At Buffy’s still confused look Spike continued. “Er, right. Well, let’s see…how to say that something claiming to be the ghost of the woman who cold heartedly rejected you when you were human, thus leading to you getting turned, has just shown up on your doorstep and has been 'tormenting' (said with air quotes) you for hours about the thousands of innocents you have killed during your lifetime. Oh wait, I guess I just did say it. Bugger.”

Buffy paused, gave his long, run-on sentence great thought, before finally retorting with a profound and heartfelt, “Hu?”

Spike chuckled.

“Don’t worry pet, I’m right there with you on that.” Spike said, glancing back over at Cecily.

“So wait…you’re telling me that you’re seeing some girl that dumped you when you were alive?

“You see, I told you she wouldn’t believe you.” Cecily said. Spike ignored her.

“Yeah. Remember that conversation we had at the Bronze, what with you wanting to know about the two slayers?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s that bint I mentioned. Cecily.”

“Yeah, hey, you never did tell me that whole story. How did she break your heart, anyway?” Buffy asked. Spike started to shift uncomfortably.

“Er, that’s kind of off topic, luv. I’ve got bigger problems right now. Namely this annoying chit that’s hanging over my shoulder.” Spike says, gesturing over his shoulder, where Cecily stood.

“Right, sorry.”

“William…you’re hungry, aren’t you?” Cecily says in a suggestive voice. Spike sighs.

“What of it?” Spike looks over his shoulder at Cecily.

“You have the Slayer sitting here in your Crypt…. Slayer blood is the best blood around, you know that.”

“Oh sod off you annoying, eternally-bad-hair-day-ed bint! I’m talkin’ to the Slayer here! And last time I checked, you were no slayer.” Spike sneered and turned his back to the apparition. Unfortunately, Cecily had never been one to give up when she had someone to torment emotionally.

“Look at her standing there…You know she’s drawn to you… she wants you to do it…she wants you to bite her. To drain her…” Cecily purred.

“Stop it.” Spike growled at her. He didn’t want to drain her, but the idea of tasting her, her the greatest of slayers, was still a temptation.

“Spike?” Buffy waved her hand in front of him to get his attention again.

“Er, right, sorry, luv. She’s a persistent chit.”

“What is she saying?” Buffy asks.

“Er… uh… nothing… she’s just…er…bugger.” Spike says sitting down on his bed and covering his face with his palms. Buffy walked closer to him.

“Spike…?”

“William…”

“Stop calling me that!!” Spike shouts, and Buffy quickly jumped a couple steps backwards at his intensity.

“Spike, I think we should ask Wil--”Buffy stopped abruptly. No more Spells from Willow, she reminded herself. “…I mean, we should ask Tara for a spell. We could find out who or what is haunting you. Get her to leave somehow.”

“You can’t get rid of me.” Cecily insisted. Spike grimaced at the thought.

“Right then, get Glenda Two over here...and right quick, if you don’t mind. I'm getting rather PUT OUT," he glared at Cecily, "at not being able to have a BLOODY MOMENTS PEACE in my own home."

* * *

Back home, Buffy taped her foot in annoyance. *Come on, pick up Tara…* Buffy thought as she listened to the ringing through the earpiece. *Pick up, pick up, pick uuuuuup* On the fourth ring, Tara finally answered.

“Hello?” Tara’s sleepy voice asked.

“Tara? It’s me, Buffy.”

“B-Buffy, Hi! H-h-how are-are you doing?”

“I’m okay. Listen, I’m sorry to be calling so late at night....uhm...early in the morning, but I need your help.”

“Ahh, s-sure, what’s up?”

“I need you to do a Spell…” Buffy said, and told Tara the whole story about finding Spike talking to Cecily.

“So you think it’s some kind of haunting or s-something?” Tara asked after she had listened to the whole story.

“Well, sort of. You know…all of this sounds really familiar…I just can’t place it. Someone or something is trying to do a number on him though. So do you have any ideas?” Buffy asked.

“Yeah. I-I think that maybe a r-reveal s-spell might work. Let us see what he’s seeing, m-maybe it’ll give us an idea of what we’re dealing with.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. Can you meet me at his Crypt in an hour?” Buffy asked.

“S-sure, I’ll be there.” Tara said.

“Great. Thanks so much Tara.”

“N-no problem. I’ll see you soon.”

“Alright. Bye.” Buffy said as she hung up the phone. She glanced at the clock on the microwave and sighed. 6:30 am. Dawn would be awake soon, even though it was Saturday. Buffy quickly scribbled a note for her and left it on the refrigerator. She then headed back out, towards Spike’s crypt.

* * *

“I told you, I don’t care about what happened in Prauge.” Spike practically shouted. ‘Cecily’ hadn’t relented any since the Slayer left. In fact, she seemed to be trying harder.

‘Cecily’ sighed. “You know, this just doesn’t have the same effect with a soulless vampire. This was so much easier with Angelus. You *are* his Childe, aren’t you?” Cecily asked wearily.

“First off, no I'm his *grandchilde*, and you tried this with the Poof? Does he even know you?” Spike asked, amused.

“Yes I did and no he didn’t, but that's not the point, William, and you know it. And I would have succeeded if the Powers That Be hadn’t stepped in.” Cecily’s voice seemed to change in tone, bitter and powerful all at the same time.

"Yah, it always would have worked if those meddling kids and their dog hadn’t stepped in. I’ve heard it before, kitten." Spike's voice was sneeringly lightheartedly, but he was now eyeing her wearily. The more time he was forced to spend with her, the more he seemed convinced that this woman was *not* Cecily, but something else entirely. She did mention earlier something about the First Evil...whatever that was.

“So what...Brood boy got a little broodier? Did your torture for him consist of making him have a sense of humor? Or a personality?” Spike chuckled.

“No, I made him relive his past.” Cecily says.

“Oh. I see, the whole guilty trip thing worked with the poof, did it?”

“It was his weakness.”

“And you’re trying to find my weakness, eh kitten?” Spike asks, amused. Just then he heard Buffy slam open his Crypt door above. A small grin that he couldn’t hide lit up his face for a moment. ‘Cecily’ looked at him with a critical eye, but Spike’s grin quickly faded when he saw her studying him.

Buffy traipsed down the steps to the lower level, and found Spike with more or less the same look of exasperation he had earlier.

“Tara will be here soon. So is she…?” Buffy gestured around the crypt with a sweep of her hand.

“Yeah. She’s still at it. Or trying to be anyway.” Spike said in annoyance.

“That’s it. That is your weakness…” ‘Cecily’ said to herself, a triumphant grin spread across her face.

“What are you on about now?” Spike grumbled to her, only half interested.

“The Slayer. She is your weakness.” ‘Cecily’ said in a cool and even tone. The look that crossed Spike’s face, however, was a mix between fear and shock. She had him.

“Spike…?” Buffy started to get worried when she saw the grave look on his face.

“H-hello? Buffy? Spike?” Tara’s voice called out from the upper level.

“Down here Tara.” Buffy called out to her, still keeping an eye on Spike. He truly looked worried.

Tara came down the ladder and smiled shyly at Buffy.

“Hey.” She greeted, holding up a small rucksack. “I-I brought the stuff.”

“Great. You showed just in time. I think something is going on. He looks real worried.” Buffy commented.

“William, William...” ‘Cecily’ shook her head banefully. “The Killer of two Slayers. What is it about this girl?” ‘Cecily’ asked as she walked closer to Buffy, circling her. But Buffy was oblivious to it as she worked with Tara to set up the stuff for the spell.

“You leave her out of this.” Spike said gruffly.

Tara looked up at Spike and then at Buffy. Watching Spike talk to air was interesting, to say the least.

“He’s talking to her, don’t worry. Let’s just get this done, ‘kay? I wanna know what’s going on, and who to pummel.” Buffy tells her. Tara nods and starts lighting the candles.

“Okay, I’m ready. Just stand inside the circle. I’m going to recite a spell. All you have to do is say the last part. I’ll tell you when.” Tara informs her and Buffy nodded.

“Goddess Hectate, lift the veil of deception so that others may see what is hidden. Let the fog be parted, let the truth be revealed, let the deception be cast out, let the reality come to light. Reveale!” Tara said and raised her palm, opened it and blew the green colored dust off. The dust flew throughout the crypt, snaking around everything. It finally gathered and started to congregate in one spot, about two feet away from where Spike was facing. All of the dust settled there, and a bright flash blinded them for a second. When it died down Tara could see a woman standing there in classical Victorian era dress.

“Oh my.” Tara said in surprise.

“You see her?” Buffy asked.

“Y-yes. Okay, now you say ‘Let the reality come to light. Reveale.’ And You’ll be able to see her too.” Tara told her.

“Ok. Let the reality come to light. Reveale.” Buffy said in a monotone voice, and a small flash of light flashed before her eyes, blinding her. She blinked hard to make the spots go away. When she opened them again, she saw the woman Spike called Cecily standing before Spike. She could also hear her. The two had been involved in a heated conversation while Tara was doing the spell, but before Buffy had only heard Spike’s side. Now that she could hear both, it made a lot more sense.

“I told you to shove off!” Spike was shouting.

“Oh come now, William. Why would I want to leave now, just when it’s starting to get interesting? Why would you remember the name of the first Slayer you killed if you didn’t care about it somehow?” ‘Cecily’ asked innocently.

“I told you, it was a memorable experience. Why wouldn’t I remember the bint’s name?” Spike said impassively.

“Oh no, William. Don’t downplay it. It’s something about the Slayers, isn’t it? You’re obsessed with them.”

“Now don’t start getting ideas! Just because I have a thing for the current Slayer, doesn’t mean I’ve always had a thing for them.” Spike growled.

“Then why does it make you feel guilty about killing the other two?” ‘Cecily’ ventured.

“I DON’T FEEL GUILTY!!” Spike shouted desperately. Unfortunately no one in the room bought it. Not even himself.

“It was the dream wasn’t it?” ‘Cecily’ asked.

“What of it?”

“What did you feel when you saw the Chinese girl’s face change?”

“Jeing Mei. Her name was Jeing Mei.” Spike said automatically.

“You see? You insist on calling her by her real name. You do feel remorse.” ‘Cecily’ said with a grin that foreshadowed her malicious intent.

Suddenly, before everyone’s eyes, Cecily morphed into the Chinese Slayer, Jeing Mei.

“I asked you to tell my mother I was sorry.” She accused. Spike closed his eyes and swallowed hard, as if to try and dispel her image from his mind.

“And do you remember what you told me?” ‘Jeing Mei’ asked. Spike opened his eyes and took a couple steps back, as if trying to rid himself of the memory, but ‘Jeing Mei’ followed him.

“You told me you didn’t speak Chinese. But you did. You were cruel.” she continued.

“Y-yeah, well…what do you expect? I’m evil.” Spike said lamely, trying to sound proud, but it didn’t reach his voice.

‘Jeing Mei’ morphed back into ‘Cecily’.

“That’s right. You are evil. You took pleasure in draining her dry. Slayer blood is so much more nourishing, I’m sure you remember. So what is stopping you from draining this Slayer? You know you want to. And don’t say it’s because of the chip. That would never have stopped you before. It wont stop you now!”

“It’s not the chip.” Spike said through clenched teeth.

“You think you love her?” ‘Cecily’ asked dubiously.

“I don’t think. I know I love her.” Spike said seriously. ‘Cecily’ morphed again.

“My Spike… don’t you love your princess anymore?” ‘Dru’ pouted. Spike turned away from her.

“No. Go away.” He demanded through clenched teeth.

“The nasty slayer has stolen your heart from you. But instead of cherishing it, she throws it in the garbage, doesn’t she, Miss Edith?” ‘Dru’ caressed the ever-present doll’s hair lovingly, “She despises you, you know…Her, and her friends. They’ll never accept you. They can’t. They won’t. They won't. They won’t. Not never. They don’t need you, my Spike. Return to me. Become who you truly are. Come with me and we’ll become a happy family again. Happy, Happy Family. Daddy and Mommy and Spikey and little Miss Edith. We’ll be a lovely, lovely family, wont we, Spikey?”

“Dru…” Spike said in a warning voice. His entire body was taught with tension, and his fists were clenching.

“Buffy, what should we do?” Tara asks.

Buffy was truly concerned now. It seemed that Spike was trapped in his own little world now. Who ever this was, she was really doing a number on him, especially if she was bringing Dru into the mix.

*Lord knows the last time she showed things went so well…* Buffy thought.

“Call the others. I’ll stay here and see if I find any clues. I don’t care how, just get them here.” Buffy said as she kept an eye on Spike and ‘Dru’.

“R-right, okay.” Tara said and disappeared up the ladder. A few seconds later Buffy heard the crypt door creak closed. Buffy turned her attention back to Spike’s conversation. It was like watching a live soap opera… or rather an undead one.

“Why? Why can’t you kill her?” ‘Dru’ asks. "Why can't you kill her for Mommy?"

“You know why! I couldn’t kill her any more than I could kill you!” Spike shouts back.

“But you’re lying! You tried to kill me the last time I was here!”

“Well yeah, you were going to kill Buffy, I couldn’t let you do that.” Spike said.

“So it’s all about her, is it?” ‘Dru’ asked. She morphed back into Cecily.

Buffy sighed, blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes. It was going to be a long wait.


	2. Chapter 2

“Buffy?” Dawn calls out from the top level, and then makes her way to the lower level before Buffy could stop her. Dawn’s voice finally got Spike’s attention, and for the first time in nearly an hour, he acknowledges other people in the room.

“Nibblet, what are you doing here?” Spike asks.

“I overheard Tara on the phone with Xander and Anya. What’s going on? What’s wrong with Spike?” Dawn turned and asked Buffy. Just then Tara ran down the steps, slightly out of breath, followed by an equally breathless Willow.

“S-sorry Buffy, I tried to stop her.” Tara explained and Willow nodded, bent over, hands on he knees trying to catch her breath from her impromptu Dawn Chase. Willow waved her hand at Buffy and Dawn to show she was present in hearing at least, if not yet with enough breath to use her voice.

“It’s okay. Dawn, I’m taking you back home. Let’s go.” Buffy said as she took her sister by the arm and started to drag her towards the stairs.

“No! I don’t want to go. Tell me what’s going on. I have a right to know.” Dawn said indignantly as she pulled her arm out of her sister’s grasp.

“Nibblet, you should listen to big sis, it isn’t safe here for you.” Spike told her.

“Stop treating me like a child! I want to help!” Dawn pleads.

“Dawn, it isn’t safe here for you.” Buffy says.

“The Slayer’s sister….” ‘Cecily’ eyes Dawn maliciously. Spike glares at ‘Cecily’ in a deadly manner.

“You leave her alone.” He says in a low and deadly voice.

“Buffy, who’s Spike talking to?” Dawn asks curiously.

“Come on Dawn, we need to get you out of here. I’ll explain on the way home.” Buffy says.

“No, I want to help!” Dawn protests.

“Well, maybe she can help…” Willow suggests, finally speaking up. At everyone’s weary looks Willow explains. “You...you know...With-with research. Research only… kinda like me.” Willow mumbles as she fidgets. Buffy sighs.

“Fine, but she can’t stay down here though.” Buffy says as she glares at ‘Cecily’. Buffy didn’t like the sardonic grin that was painted on the woman’s face.

“Fine, whatever.” Dawn says begrudgingly as she heads up the ladder to the upper level of the crypt.

“Guys, I’m going up to wait for Xander and Anya. Keep an eye on them, will you?” Buffy asks Willow and Tara. The two witches glanced over at Spike, who was now holding a very animated argument with the apparition that only Tara and Buffy could see.

“Sure. We’ll give a shout if anything happens.” Tara said.

“Thanks.” Buffy said as she climbed up the ladder. Tara lead Willow over to the circle, and had her recite the incantation.

* * *

The two witches watched from a dark corner as Spike and ‘Cecily’ argued. Both witches were listening carefully for any clues that the apparition said about its self. So far they had just heard the apparition egging him on to do evil things to Buffy, and Spike was protesting that vehemently, but the two witches could tell that he was getting tired. He had been up for over 24hrs, and hadn’t had any blood since sunset. His armor was wearing thin and after Dawn had shown up, the apparition had new ammo to work with. This was not looking good.

“I told you to bloody well drop it! There’s no way in hell your gonna convince me to do that!” Spike shouted. His voice was starting to feel raspy from all of the shouting he has been doing. The apparition wasn’t giving up- in fact Spike’s protests only seemed to encourage her to taunt him further. Somehow, no matter how many times she tried to entice him to do what she wanted, he resisted. Mainly because the two things she was telling him to do gave him a twisting feeling in his heart and his stomach.

“There’s something about that girl. So full of energy… I wonder what her blood would taste like…? Better than Slayer blood?” ‘Cecily’ said suggestively. Spike’s whole body went ridged with anger. He stalked angrily over to ‘Cecily’, practically standing nose to nose with her.

“I said NO! I. Will. NEVER. Do. That!” He ground out through clenched teeth and turned his back from her to try and rein his temper.

“I hate you!” Dawn’s voice shouted from behind him. He turned swiftly to see Dawn standing where ‘Cecily’ had been standing just seconds ago.

Tara and Willow abruptly sat up in their chairs upon seeing the apparition morph into Dawn. The two witches glanced at each other worriedly.

Spike knew it wasn’t his nibblet. It wasn’t possible. It was just this bird’s mind tricks… but she looked so much like Dawn… even sounded like her.

“You’re disgusting! I hate you! You never wanted to be my friend! You just wanted to get into Buffy’s pants! You’re a pig! A ickey, evil and disgusting PIG!!” ‘Dawn’ shouted at him.

“Nibblet?” Spike said in a small voice. He stepped toward her, but she backed away from him.

“Don’t touch me! Get away from me you awful blood-sucker! You lied to me! You told me you’d protect me! But you didn’t, did you?! It’s your fault Buffy died! It’s all your fault!!!” Dawn screamed. Spike was lost. Buffy’s death was his biggest weakness.

“Dawn, I’m so sorry… I tried… I tried so hard, but I couldn’t stop him…” Spike sank to his knees, kneeling before her. “I couldn’t save her… I tried, but I wasn’t fast enough… I couldn’t save her…I couldn’t save her.” Spike had tears running down his face as he pleaded with ‘Dawn’, haven completely forgotten that it was not the real girl. He covered his face with the palms of his hands and began crying, much like he did that day when Buffy had died.

Both Tara and Willow watched with horror the scene played out before them.

“I-I think I better go get B-Buffy.” Tara said and shot out of her seat to hurry up the ladder. Once she reached the upper level she found Buffy, Dawn, Xander and Anya pouring over the books they had brought over in crates.

“Oh, wait, here’s one… How to summon ghost larvae... surprisingly, you don’t get much call for those these days…” Xander said sarcastically as he flipped to the next page in the book.

“B-Buffy, I think you need to see what’s going on down h-here. I t-think S-Spike’s starting t-to crack.” Tara said. Buffy immediately got up from her seat and went down to the lower level, calling over her shoulder:

“Dawn, you stay there!”

With a frustrated huff, Dawn sat back down, mumbling about overprotective sisters.

“I gotta see this…” Xander said as he jumped up from his chair, followed by Anya, and went down into the lower levels. Dawn huffed again, angrily, mumbling about grownups and they’re ‘inside world’.

* * *

“Nibblet, I’m so sorry… I tried to stop it… I tried…” Spike was still crying when Buffy came down the steps. A few moments later Xander and Anya followed.

“What happened?” Buffy asked Willow and Tara.

“It changed into Dawn. It was yelling at him, telling him that she hated him. She was telling him that it was all his fault that you… that-that you died.” Willow said. Buffy turned to see a very broken down Spike.

“Where? I don’t see her.” Xander said, looking around the crypt.

“Oh, right. Sorry Xander. Here, stand in the circle…” Tara motioned him to the circle. He stood in the center.

“Now repeat after me..” Tara said, and told him the incantation. When Xander finished he saw someone that looked like Dawn standing in front of Spike.

“Holy moley!” Xander exclaimed.

“Wait until you see her morph.” Willow said.

“I want to see too!” Anya complained.

“O-okay.” Tara said, and repeated the process with Anya.

“Wow. Great likeness. Even better than the Buffy-bot.” Anya complimented. A moment of uncomfortable silence passed between the group. But that was broken when they heard Buffy’s voice at the other end of the crypt. They all looked up to see ‘it’ morphed as Buffy.

“You promised me, Spike. You told me you would protect her. How could you? I trusted you!” ‘Buffy’ yelled at him. Spike looked up at her, new tears running down his face.

“I tried, pet. I know it was all my fault, and I’m sorry…” He said with his head hung down in shame.

“You failed me Spike. The one time you could have proven yourself to me, and you screwed it up. I shouldn’t have trusted you. You’re not a man, you’re a monster. A disgusting, evil, vile thing. Always were, always are. I could NEVER love you. You’re nothing to me Spike. You’re beneath me.”

Spike visibly shuddered at the words. ‘Buffy’ morphed back into ‘Cecily’.

“You’re nothing to me, William. You’re beneath me.” ‘Cecily’ said in her upper class Victorian voice, a perfect echo from William’s past.

“Oh God…” Buffy said. It actually felt like her heart sank in her chest. She had said the exact same thing to him that night outside the Bronze… the exact same thing that Cecily had said to him over a hundred years ago, that broke his heart. Now ‘it’ was bringing it all back to haunt him, even using her own image and voice. It was like pouring holy water into an open wound. Buffy got angry.

She started to stalk over to ‘it’, but she got about 10ft away from them and ran straight into an invisible barrier.

“What the…? Wills? Tara?” Buffy turned back to them questioningly. Willow and Tara stepped forward and placed their hands on the invisible barrier with confused looks on their faces.

“This is a strong barrier. Whatever that thing is, it’s very powerful.” Willow said.

“Is there any way to break it down?” Buffy asked.

“It’s too powerful. I’ve never seen anything so strong…” Willow said. Buffy sighed in annoyance.

“Well there has to be something we can do! I can’t just sit here and watch this.” Buffy said motioning to Spike and whatever that thing was.

“We need to figure out what that thing is.” Willow pointed at the thing that kept morphing. They all looked at it, and saw that it was some woman in Victorian era clothing.

“Haven’t you heard? They call him ‘William the Bloody’ because of his bloody awful poetry!” She tittered. Quick as lightning ‘it’ morphs into a Victorian era man.

“It suits him. I'd rather have a railroad spike through my head than listen to that awful stuff!” The aristocrat sneers.

“That’s how he got the name ‘William the Bloody’? Lil’ Spikey wrote poems?” Xander says, trying to suppress chuckles and Anya lightly whapped his arm with the back of her hand to get him to stop. Xander opened his mouth to let out more taunts, but his jokes died in his throat when he saw four sour looks from the women in the room.

Meanwhile ‘It’ had changed into another Aristocrat.

“You were always worthless, you know. Always writing your nancy-boy poetry! You were always the fool for love William. A romantic at heart just like your mother! I swear William, sometimes I’m not so sure that I had a son and not a daughter! You make me ashamed to be your father!”

“Stop it.” Spike demanded weakly through his tears. ‘It’ morphed again.

“I never wanted you, you know. You ruined my life. I was much to young to have a child. I’ve always resented you for taking my youth from me, William.” His ‘Mother’ told him.

“Mum, please…”

“Please what, William? Stop telling you the truth?” Spike’s ‘Mother’ chuckled bitterly. “Stop telling you that I never wanted you? That I didn’t need you? That I didn’t love you?” ‘It’ morphed back into ‘Cecily’.

“No!” Spike desperately shouts.

“You see, William? No body loves you. You’re all alone. You always have been. You’re not needed by anyone, not the Slayer, and not by her friends. You're not even wanted by them! Everyone thinks that you’re worthless…but I know that you are not. I know what true strength you hold…” ‘Cecily’ whispered into his ear.

“Who are you?” Spike asked in an anguished tone. This bitch sure knew how to kick 'em when they were down.

“I am the First. The First evil, beyond sin, beyond death. You’re a part of me, just like I’m a part of you. I am the thing that you will never be able to escape. Wherever you go, I will always be there. You can’t fight me, so why even try?”

“What do you want from me?” Spike asked in a broken voice.

“I want you to return to me. You’re not a man, you’re a monster, so start acting like one! You know the demon inside of you is just itching to come out and play. So why don’t you let it? Take all that anger and all that hate and pour it into her. She’ll never love you…so why not? Bag your third Slayer, Spike. Quit being the her lap dog, and return to your former glory…!”

“The first….” Buffy says in deep thought. “The First Evil… oh God. I know what it is…! Damn it! Of course!” Buffy says exasperated, slapping her forehead with her palm.

“Wait...you mean…you don’t mean that thing that haunted Angel, do you? Because I think Giles is still majorly wigging over that one...” Willow asked, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Yes! It’s those monks again. We need to find them and now. I don’t know how much longer until Spike finally cracks.”

“Do you think they’d return to that cave beneath the Christmas tree lot?” Willow asked.

“It’s worth a look.” Buffy shrugged. “You guys stay here, keep an eye on him?” Buffy asked them.

“Sure Buffy, we’ll keep an eye on poetry boy.” Xander said, which promptly earned him a smack on the back of the head from Anya, as well as heated glares from the Slayer and two witches.

Buffy turned and looked at Spike again. He was still kneeling on the floor, his shoulders slumped and his head hung low.

*God I hope he hasn’t cracked already.*

“Spike?” Buffy called out to him, but he didn't move.

“Spike!” Buffy calls out again, louder. His head picks up a little, but he would make no other movement.

“Damn it! SPIKE! Just hold on a little while longer! And don't listen to her, for pete's sake!” Buffy shouts to him before turning and climbing the ladder up as quickly as her slayer powers could carry her. Once she reached the top, Dawn jumped up out of her seat.

“Is he okay?” Dawn asked, worried.

Buffy walked over to Spike’s weapons chest and started rummaging through it. “I don’t know Dawn, but I think I know how to stop it.”

“What can I do?” Dawn asked. Buffy looks up at her sister with a sad look on her face. She opened up Dawn's hand and placed a stake in it. Dawn looked up at her sister, shocked.

“If he comes after you, stake him.”

“He wouldn’t do that, Buffy!” Dawn protested.

“Dawn, this thing that is haunting him…it’s trying to break him. It’s trying to make him be evil again. I just want you to be safe.”

“But his chip…”

“I know, Dawn. I don’t know what kind of powers this thing has. It put up a pretty powerful barrier around them so that we couldn’t interfere. It might even have the power to disable the chip. It’s evil Dawn. Pure evil, and I mean that literally. We don’t know what it can do.” Buffy said as she pulled a large, wicked looking axe out of the chest on the floor. She looked back up at Dawn and saw tears running down her face.

“Hey…don’t worry Dawn, I’ll fix this. Okay?” Buffy asks, brushing her sister’s hair back from her face.

"Promise?"

Buffy nodded, "Sister Promise." In the old ritual, the two girls linked pinkies and Buffy pulled her sister into a tight hug. “I’ll be back soon, alright? Stay up here. The last time ‘it’ saw you, I didn’t like the way she looked at you… like a wolf eyeing a wounded lamb.” Buffy said as she walked to the Crypt door.

“Okay.” Dawn agreed as she watched her sister walk out of the crypt, closing the door behind her.

* * *

“Stop it! That’s not true!” Spike shouted desperately.

“You want her. You know you want to taste her. All that rich blood just pumping away beneath that thin layer of skin…” The First taunted, in the guise of Cecily.

“Leave me alone!!” Spike clasped his hands over his ears to shut her out as he walked to the other side of the crypt to get away from her. Unfortunately for him she followed behind him.

“Don’t shut me out William, you can’t escape me. The only way you’ll ever find any peace is to kill her. Only then will you be free…!” She followed behind him quickly, never more than two steps away from him.

“You can start with her friends…They’ve always hated you…” The first said and morphed into Willow.

“I’ll never forgive you, Spike. I trusted you to get to Doc on time. I trusted you to save Dawn. I thought you were our friend… but you’re not. You’re a monster. We were crazy to let you in. And because we let you in you killed Buffy. You may not have done it with your own fangs, but you killed her all the same. You don’t deserve to be around her Spike. She’s out of you’re league.” ‘Willow’ said. The First then morphed into Xander.

“And you’re little obsession you have with Buffy? That’s not love. That’s just you being sick and perverted. She will never love you Spike. She will never even like you. You’d only bring her pain, and she doesn’t deserve that. You don’t deserve her. A monster like you will never be able to touch her.”

Spike never looked up into their faces. They’re accusations stung him enough… he didn’t want to look into their eyes as they said them. He was so lost. He was sucked into this world that seemed far away from reality. He was lost in his own grief, about the one thing he truly felt guilty about; Buffy’s death. That was why in the dream Jeing Mei’s face turned into Buffy’s. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t feel the pang of regret because of his failure. But now that Buffy was resurrected, he could at least see her day to day, taking care of her little sister like she should be, and out slaying demons and such. For Spike that was enough. Even if she never loved him, he could live with that. He might not be very happy about it, but his own happiness didn’t matter to him anymore. Her happiness was what was important. Hell, if it’d make her happy, he’d probably stake himself for her. He’d do anything for her. He had once called himself Love’s bitch, and he truly was. Once his heart latched onto someone, it stayed there. Hell, he still loved Dru, even though his time with her was over. He wouldn’t go back to her, but he wouldn’t trade his time with her for anything. His experience with Dru taught him things about himself, and allowed him to become who he was today.

Spike knew all of these things in his heart, as broken as it was right now. He knew that he couldn’t give in to this thing that was tormenting him. But he was drowning. He was drowning so fast and ‘it’ just kept on throwing more buckets of water on him. He was hungry and he was tired. His heart was battered and his strength was wavering. He didn’t know how much longer he had. His heart could only be shattered so many times until it turned to dust…

* * *

“Guys, we have to do something… I don’t think he can hold out much longer.” Willow said worriedly.

“What are we supposed to do? We can’t get close to them, and I don’t think he can hear us anyway. They’re own little bubble.” Xander said.

“Maybe I can get into his head again, like that night Buffy died.” Willow suggested.

“Willow no!” Tara practically shouted. They all looked at her in surprise that the shy witch had spoken so forcefully. “I-I mean, you can’t. No more magic. I’ll do it.” Tara said.

“But you don’t already have a connection with him… plus he’s inside a protective barrier! It would be next to impossible for you to connect with him.” Willow said. Tara sighed.

“I can use you as a conduit. That way you won’t be using any magic, I’ll just be borrowing your psychic link.” Tara said.

“Good! An ultimatum! Let’s get to it. What can I do?” Xander asked.

“You seem awfully eager to help Spike.” Anya commented.

“Well, I…. I…Okay, fine. I feel sorry for the guy, all right?” Xander relented. “I mean, before I never really thought much about his feelings, but he just looks so heartbroken, ya know? Who’d of guessed that the guy had a heart? He still has major guiltage about Buffy’s death… and the guy’s not even supposed to feel guilt.” Xander said.

“Yeah, kinda makes you believe that he really does love Buffy.” Willow comments.

“H-he does. I-I can see it in his aura. It’s very strong.” Tara says shyly.

“Well, lets get to it, we don’t have much time. Lover-boy needs our help.” Xander says.

* * *

“I can not believe this.” Buffy groaned as she looked down into the hole in the ground. Just as she had suspected the monks had returned to the same spot as last time, the cave beneath the Christmas tree lot. The trees were still dead above ground, and she could hear the chanting emanating from below.

With a sigh Buffy jumped down the hole, into darkness. When her eyes adjusted to the dark she saw the three monks kneeling and chanting around an alter.

“Boy, you guys really need to pick a better place to chant. I mean, come on- totally predictable. You could have made it a little more challenging for me.” Buffy said. The three priests jumped up and started to scatter, but Buffy grabbed one, threw it against a second, and grabbed the third, throwing him against the cave wall next to the other two.

“Not so fast. Now you guys are really starting to piss me off. And a word of advice: never piss off a slayer.” Buffy says as she walks over and held up the blade of the axe dangerously close to their throats.

“Now, we’re going to do this one of two ways. Either you guys can leave and never do any of your chanting around me or mine again, or I can kill you all right now, thus solving all of my problems. I’m guessing you’d rather take door number one, am I right?” Buffy asked, and the three priests nodded quickly.

“Thought so. Now get out. If I ever see any of you here again, I will kill you.” Buffy said as she lowered her axe, and the three priests quickly scrambled out of the cave. Buffy turned to the alter and shattered it with her axe.

“So we meet again, Slayer.” The First appears in the guise as Jenny.

“Do you just like to annoy me, or is there a reason you were summoned?” Buffy ventured. The First smirked.

“Oh, I’ve been summoned for a reason. One of the greatest master vampires in history switched sides. Now that was something Lucifer himself couldn’t have predicted. The balance has been shifted and I was summoned to correct it. You train your vampires well Slayer, this one is harder to crack than Angelus was.” The First said.

“I didn’t train them. Spike changed of his own free will.”

“Maybe. But it won’t do him any good now.”

“What did you do to him?” Buffy demanded.

“You’ll find out soon enough…” The First said tauntingly.

“Great. Is this the part where you scream ‘Dead by sunrise’ and go poof? ‘Cause if so, can we just skip to the ‘poof’ part?” Buffy asked, dripping with sarcasm. Then Buffy lifts her axe, and looks at the blade thoughtfully. “Or do I actually get to kill you this time?” She continued in a cheerful tone.

“You can’t kill me, little girl. You can’t even begin to imagine what destruction you would cause if I ceased to exist.”

“Please. Don’t give me that. I’ve gone up against a hell God, you think you can scare me?”

“Glorificus wasn’t needed to maintain existence as you know it. With out me, everything you know ceases to exist.” The First said smugly.

“Hu?”

* * *

Spike was alone in the darkness. That thing calling it’s self ‘the First Evil’ had suddenly disappeared, leaving him broken and tired. He didn’t know why he still held on to the smallest hope that Buffy and her pals would come to help him. In fact they were probably out celebrating his downfall right about now.

“Spike, can you hear me?” Tara’s voice whispers within Spike’s head.

“What the…?” Spike lifts his head and looks around himself for the source of the voice. He only saw darkness.

“It’s me Tara. You have to hold on, Buffy’s trying to help you.” Tara tells him.

“Tara? Why would she… why would you help me? I’m nothing.”

“No Spike, that’s not true. You’re our friend. Listen, I have to cut the link now. Just don’t listen to her, okay? Buffy’s working on it…we’ll get you out. I have to go now Spike.” Tara’s voice said.

“Wait.” Spike called out.

“I’m sorry, I have to go.” Tara apologized. And as quick as that, the link was gone. He was alone again, left feeling cold and empty inside. What Tara said had given him hope, but he didn’t know how long that would last in a place like this…in this place where time and sanity didn’t exist. This place was where his feelings were cast aside and crushed into dust sized bits, and left for the wind to scatter about where it pleased.

No one wanted him, and no one needed him.

Here, in this place, in this darkness, he did not matter.


	3. Chapter 3

“You think you know what makes this world tick? Why life has thrived upon it for millions of years?” The First asked challengingly.  
“No, but I’m sure you’re gonna to tell me.” Buffy said impatiently.

“The balance, child. Good and Evil, one cannot exist with out the other. You humans are so ignorant. Always believing in either purity or corruption. What you don’t understand is that the world only works with a little bit of both. The world couldn’t exist without one or the other. The vampire has disrupted the balance by going against his nature. Vampires are borne to be evil, just as Slayers are borne to be good.” The First said.

“Please. Get a grip. No one is supposed to be one or the other. There have been bad Slayers and there have been good vampires. But I’m sure you already know this. Spike does what he wants to do, and believe me, I know from personal experience, when he chooses to do something, he does it, and no one can change his mind.” Buffy says. The first seems to consider this for a moment, and then nods her head in agreement.

“You are an interesting paradox, Slayer. A Slayer that protects a vampire…” The First studies the Slayer with critical eyes for a moment, and then smiles knowingly at Buffy.

“I can tell you are not a regular Slayer…you haven’t even begun. Until we meet again, Slayer.” The First says, and then shrinks into a cloud of dust and goes ‘poof’.

Buffy just stared after the First in confusion, and then sighs in annoyance.

“Did everyone get the ‘Buffy hasn’t even begun memo’?” She mumbles to herself as she made her way out of the cave.

* * *

“Ow.” Tara mumbled as she dropped to the floor.

“Tara! Are you okay?” Willow asked, moving to help Tara off the floor.

“Y-yeah, I think so. Just a little woozy.” Tara said as she rubbed her temple with her hand.

“Oh! You’re nose is bleeding!” Willow pointed out.

“I-I’ll be fine, it’s just that the spell took a lot out of me.” Tara said as she let Willow help her to a chair.

“How is he doing?” Tara asked. Xander turned to her with a worried look on his face.

“Well, he still looks really depressed, but at least he’s not crying any more.” Xander commented.

“You better not tease him about this after this is over.” Willow warned him.

“What..? Like I’d do a thing like…” Xander paused and looked at the three women scowling at him. “Well, yeah okay, maybe I would…but I won’t! The guy’s had a tough enough time as it is.” Xander said.

“Good. ‘Cause, you know, after this…I think he’ll really need to know that we accept him. We haven’t really been big on the whole ‘Spike’s our friend’ thing, even though he is a member of the Scooby gang.” Willow said.

“He is??” Xander asked, a little taken aback.

“YES. He is. I mean, come on…look at this summer… Buffy was dead. He didn’t have to stick around, but he did. He stuck around for Dawn. How many evil vampires do you know that do that?” Willow asked.

Everyone in the room was silent.

* * *

Buffy ran all the way back to Spike’s crypt. She hurried in, past her sister and ran down the ladder.

“I got rid of her.” Buffy announced as soon as she hit the bottom step.

“T-that must mean the barrier is down.” Tara said.

“My god, Tara, why is your nose bloody?” Buffy asked. Tara wiped her nose with the sleeve of her sweater shyly. Xander decided to speak up for her.

“She did a spell to get inside Spike’s mind. He looked like he was going to crack, Buffy. We had to do something. She told him to hold on.” Xander said. Buffy nodded in approval.

“No, that’s good. Good work guys. Look…I don’t mean to be rude…but you might want to clear out now. He hasn’t had any blood for almost two days, and The First screwed up his head pretty good…this might not be a good scene.” Buffy said.

“Sure Buffy. We’ll be upstairs. Give us a shout if you need anything.” Willow said as all four of them made their way up the ladder.

Buffy searched the shadows of the lower level of the crypt, searching for Spike’s form. She found him in one of the darkest corners, curled up upon him self in a fetal position. She walked over to him, about two feet away.

“Spike?” Buffy said quietly, so as not to startle him. He didn’t move.

“Spike?” She called a little louder. She got a flinch.

“Spike, it’s me. I got rid of her. She’s gone now.” Buffy told him as she crouched down and touched his shoulder. He shot up and stumbled away from her.

“Leave me alone!” He shouted as he held his head in his hands, whimpering.

“No Spike, I won’t. You’re my friend.” Buffy told him as she kneeled next to him again. This time he didn’t move.

“I can’t be you’re friend. I’m beneath you. I’m nothing….” Spike whispered.

“You’re something to me. And you’re not beneath me. You’re my equal. You were right, Spike, there is something between us. I don’t know what it is…but it’s something.” Buffy says.

“You’re not her…this is just another trick…” He muttered.

“It’s me Spike. I can prove it to you.” Buffy said.

“How?” He asked, looking up into her eyes. His eyes were full of despair.

*It’s now or never, Buffy…* She thought to herself. She closed her eyes and captured his lips with her own. For a second he did nothing, didn’t respond, as if trying to calculate if she was really kissing him, if it was really her. Then suddenly he deepened it, pulling her closer to him. The heated kiss quickly sparked into a fiery one, the most passionate kiss they had shared so far. The guy was literally kissing like there was no tomorrow.

*I guess my proof worked.* Buffy thought idly.

“Ahem…” A voice came from behind them.

They both suddenly broke off from the kiss and realized that they were practically having sex with clothes on, the way that they had been groping at each other. Buffy quickly crawled off his lap and turned to face the owner of the voice that had interrupted them.

It was Dawn.

“Before you guys get into your sex-capades, I thought Spike might be a little hungry.” Dawn said, holding up a bag full of packets of blood.

“You went to the Butcher’s shop at this hour?” Buffy asked, a little angry.

“Well yeah. You guys were all busy, and I noticed Spike was out when I got a soda from his fridge, so I went while you were off hunting Evil. You know, at first the guy wouldn’t even sell it to me, but then when I told him it was for Spike, the guy handed it right over…” Dawn said as she walked over to Spike and handed him the bag. He looked up at her apprehensively.

“Thanks Nibblet…” Spike said quietly as he pulled out a bag of blood and quickly drained it. Both girls didn’t bother to look away or grimace. They accepted him now, demon and all.

“Well, I’ll just let you guys get back to….whatever.” Dawn said as she turned and started up the ladder.

“Nibblet?” Spike called out to her. She stopped midway up the ladder and looked at him.

“Yeah?”

“You’re…You’re still my friend, right?” Spike asked with such vulnerability in his voice, it made Dawn run back over to him and throw her arms around him. Spike was startled at first, but then a little awkwardly hugged her back.

“Yes, Spike. I’m still your friend. I’ll always be your friend.” Dawn said. She let go of him and went back up the stairs.

“Thanks, nibblet.” Spike whispered after she had gone. He took another bag of blood and drained it.

“Hey there… how are you holding up?” Buffy asked, running a hand through his tousled hair. It was much softer than she thought it would be, with all the bleaching.

“I’ve had better days. That bitch really did a number on me.” Spike said, leaning into her touch. It amazed him how just minutes ago, all of his hopes had been crushed into nothing, and all it took for them to spring back to life was this one amazing woman. And damn did he love how she was running her hand through his hair right now.

“Well, maybe you’ll feel better after some sleep.” Buffy said as she helped him stand and walked him over to his four-poster bed. She sat him down on the bed and began to take off his boots as he drained another pack of blood. He could barely keep his eyes open. He was drained emotionally and physically.

“The gang is upstairs, waiting for me. I’ll be back to check on you, okay?” Buffy said. He nodded solemnly. He had hoped that she would stay with him, if just for a little while, but now he knew better than to indulge in hopes.

“Okay. G’night, Buffy. And thanks.” Spike said as he got under his covers and lay down.

“Good night Spike.” Buffy said as she walked up the ladder.

* * *

Buffy got to the top level of the crypt and saw all of her friends looking very sleepy and worse for the wear. After all, they had all been up for nearly 48hrs. At that note, Buffy glanced out one of the windows and saw the sun’s rays lighting up the morning sky.

“Hey guys. Spike’s okay now. It took a little convincing, but he’s back.” Buffy said as she shot a warning glare to her sister who was dangerously close to snickering.

*Yep, that was some definite convincing…* Buffy thought as she felt her face getting flushed.

“Great! So dead-boy Jr, crisis over?” Xander asked, and Anya automatically smacked him on the arm.

“Ow! Geez, will you stop doing that?” Xander complained.

“Stop making fun of Spike, and maybe I will.” Anya told him.

“I wasn’t making fun of him. He calls me whelp, I call him Dead-boy Jr. It’s a mutual name calling thing…!” Xander replied lamely.

“Everything is okay guys, you can all go home now.” Buffy said.

“You…All? Aren’t you coming with?” Willow asked. Buffy was silent for a moment and slightly turned her head in the direction of the passage to the lower level.

“No, Wills, I don’t think I am. He needs me tonight. I’m going to stay here.” Buffy said.

“Geez Buff, let a vamp rest before you jump his bones.” Dawn said jokingly.

“I’m *not* going to ‘jump his bones’ Dawn…! I’m just going to stay here for…comforting.” Buffy replied a little guiltily. Okay, so maybe the idea of ‘jumping his bones’ crossed her mind, but she wasn’t going to act on it…tonight.

Her friends smiled wearily and started heading out the door.

“I’m only staying for a few hours. You can manage by yourself, right?” Buffy asked Dawn. Dawn rolled her eyes.

“Yes, I can take care of myself. Just take care of him, okay?” Dawn said as she gave her sister a hug.

“I will.” Buffy said as she let go of her sister. Dawn smiled and turned away, catching up with Willow to head home. Buffy watched from the door as each group went their separate ways- Willow and Dawn to the Summers’ home, Xander and Anya to their apartment, and Tara off to her own apartment. Buffy let out a deep and tiring sigh as she closed the door and then walked back to and down the ladder.

Spike was sprawled out face down on his bed with his shirt removed, with just the sheet covering his lower half. She took in a mental inventory of his clothing lying on the floor next to the bed: Shoes, socks, shirt…and pants. *I really hope he wears boxers…* Buffy thought, not exactly trusting herself to be alone in a room with naked Spike.

She kicked off her shoes and went around the other side of the bed, lifting up the covers and sliding in before she could change her mind. She was lying about two feet away from him, facing him. He appeared to already be asleep. With vampires, you can’t tell because they don’t need to breathe. Thus no rising and falling of the chest, or snoring. They just lay there, unmoving.

But either Spike was still awake, or he could some how sense her presence, because soon she found him pulling her next to him, draping his arm around her waist and burring his face into her neck.

Buffy almost chuckled. Spike was cuddling with her. She didn’t have him pegged for the cuddling type. But sleep was beginning to take over her body, and her eyelids began to drift closed. They only opened briefly when she felt a vibrating against her neck… Then she heard it.

Spike was purring.

*A vampire’s version of snoring?* was Buffy’s last thought as she drifted off into sleep.

* * *

The first thing Spike noticed when he awoke was that he was holding Buffy in his arms. He could smell her all around him. He was holding her so tight, he was surprised that the poor girl could breathe at all.

His head shot up at that last thought, now fully awake.

*Oh God…* Spike thought as he checked to see if she was still breathing.

He sighed in relief as he watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest. He rested his head on his pillow again and watched her sleep.

The second thing that came to mind was the fact that he was naked…with Buffy in his bed. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Buffy still obviously had her clothes on, he could feel them against his skin, but did the Slayer know that he was naked?

*Well, let’s not lick a gift horse in the mouth, eh?* Spike thought as he snuggled up to her again, deeply inhaling the scent that was Buffy.

“I was wondering when you’d wake up.” Buffy said.

“Bugger.” Spike mumbled sleepily against her neck. “No, I’m not awake. Really, luv.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Horny.”

Buffy lightly smacked him on the arm.

“What? Oh, right. Uh, right as rain, luv, which is a bloody stupid expression if you ask me…how is rain a cheery thought?”

“You’ve put way too much thought into that…” Buffy commented.

“Well pet, when you’ve lived as long as I have, you’re bound to have plenty of time to waste.”

“True.” Buffy stated simply.

“Speaking of time luv, me, you, alone in my bed…I can think of a few things to pass the time.” Spike quirked his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh really? Like what?” Buffy feigned innocents.

*So the chit wants to play it like that does she…?* Spike thought, amused.

“Oh I don’t know, charades, scrabble… you name it luv.” Spike said as he swiftly rolled himself on top of her, hovering just above her. “Chess, Monopoly, Clue….Poker.” He leered. Buffy raised her eyebrows.

“Does that last one involve stripping?”

He smirked and answered her with a kiss.

* * *

“Buffy? You still here?” Dawn’s voice called out from the upper level. Buffy disentangled herself from Spike’s arms without waking him, slipped on her clothes and climbed up the ladder.

“Hey, what’s up Dawnie?” Buffy asked upon seeing her sister wandering about, looking at all of Spike’s stuff. Dawn turned to her sister and held out a bag of food.

“Here, I thought you’d be hungry.” Dawn said as her sister took the bag of Chinese take-out.

“Thanks, I’m starved. How’d you know?”

“Well, you’ve kind of been running on empty since this whole thing happened to Spike. How is he doing?” Dawn asked as the sisters sat down on the floor of the crypt. Buffy opened up the Styrofoam container, took out the chopsticks and began to eat her Yaki Udon.

“He’s okay now. He’s still resting.” She said after eating a mouthful.

“Uh huh.” Dawn said suspiciously.

“Don’t give me that look.” Buffy said, lightheartedly.

“Do you love him?” Dawn asked bluntly. Buffy was taken aback.

“I…I…uh…I-I don’t know Dawn.” Buffy said as she fidgeted uncomfortably under her sister’s gaze.

“Could you? Love him I mean.” Dawn asked. Buffy swallowed audibly.

“Boy, what’s with the twenty questions?” Buffy asked, obviously flustered.

“Buffy, just answer the question. Don’t you think he at least deserves to know?” Dawn reasoned.

“Yeah, you’re right. Honestly Dawn, I think I could, and that scares me. It scares me a lot. We both know my…track record…” Buffy paused, and Dawn groaned in acknowledgement. “But when I’m with him…I don’t know what happens. Even when we’re fighting each other I can feel something passing between us. You know… I think that’s why we fight each other so much. We both know that it’s wrong for us to feel this way about each other, so we fight it. A part of us hates it, whereas the rest couldn’t live without it.”

“My thoughts exactly, luv.” Spike said from behind her. Buffy turned to see Spike sitting at the top of the ladder, watching the two sisters talk. Buffy turns back to her sister and gave her a ‘you knew he was there??’ look. Dawn just smiles like a Cheshire cat, obviously proud of her undercover work.

“You brat!” Buffy smacked at her playfully for being double-crossed.

“Hey! Watch the slayer strength!” Dawn whined, which only resulted in Buffy jumping up to attack her sister by tickling her.

“Aaaahh! No Buffy! Buffy stop!! Spike, help!!” Dawn pleaded through her laughter as Buffy mercilessly tickled Dawn.

Both Summers’ girls heard a playful growl before they were both tackled by the vampire, getting tickled.

“Spike!!” Buffy squealed in between her laughter as he tickled her.

“That’s for pickin on my nibblet!” Spike said as he tickled Buffy with one hand.

“And that’s for thinkin’ I’d come to you’re rescue!” Spike said playfully as he tickled Dawn with his other.

“Uncle! Uncle!!” Dawn shouted, pleading with the vampire to stop. Spike relented, leaving two Summers’ women exhausted from laughing too hard.

“Bully.” Dawn pouted playfully.

“You know it.” Spike said proudly, a touch of his ‘big bad’ ego getting stroked.

“Oh God. That was fun.” Buffy smiled, perhaps her first true smile since her resurrection.

“Then we should do it more often, luv, if I get to see you smile like that.” Spike said as he reached out and pushed a strand of hair from her face.

Dawn coughed noisily to get their attention.

“Hate to break up the…whatever indecent thing you two were about to do before my eyes, but it’s getting late Buffy.” Dawn said.

“Oh God, what time is it?” Buffy said, looking out the window. It was nearly sunset.

“About 6pm.” Dawn said, after checking her wristwatch.

“I’ve been here all day?” Buffy said, blushing.

“Uh… yeah?” Dawn said.

“Wow… I must have lost track of time. Okay. I’ll just go and grab my things.” Buffy said as she glanced over at Spike, giving him a look, then went downstairs.

Spike stood in confusion for a moment, trying to figure out what the look meant. As if reading his mind, Dawn answered.

“Duh, she wants you to follow her.” Dawn said, rolling her eyes.

Spike scowled at her playfully and mussed up her hair as he walked past her to follow Buffy.

“Hey! Punk!” Dawn called out to him.

“Brat.” He called over his shoulder.

“Do-gooder.” She called back as he descended down the steps out of sight.

“Take that back!” She heard him yell from below. Dawn giggled. Yep, the old Spike was back.

* * *

“What was that all about?” Buffy asked after Spike shouted up to Dawn.

“Nothin luv, just a little teasing between friends.”

“Oh.”

“So luv, what’s with the not-so-secret rendezvous?” He asked, his voice sounding dangerously sexy.

“I just wanted to say goodbye…in private.” Buffy said as she slipped her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

“Keep this up luv, and you’ll never leave… Not that I’m complaining. In fact, keep it up.”

“Alright already, enough with the kinky sex talk!” Dawn’s voice filtered down into the lower level of the crypt. Both blonds groaned in annoyance.

“Bye Spike.” Buffy said, giving him another quick kiss and then climbed up the ladder. From the lower levels he could hear the two Summers’ girls that had captured his heart.

“So is he a good kisser?”

“DAWN!”

* * *

Spike was back to his usual restless self. Well sort of. His emotions were still a little haywire. He couldn't believe he had acted like such a poof, but if what happened with Buffy was the result, than he could get used to it. After Buffy and Dawn had left nearly two hours ago, Spike decided to pass the time until the sun went down, cleaning his crypt. Anything to keep his mind busy, lest he started brooding. His crypt had gotten a little grimy looking, but then again, the grimy look was the whole appeal of a crypt, wasn’t it? So he ended up straightening up things and dusting. He changed his bed sheets and swept the floor. It was just starting to get dark outside so he began to light his candles. That was when he heard the strangest thing...something he never though he’d hear.

There was a nock at the door.

Spike walked over timidly and cracked it open to peer through. What he saw on the other side of the door, shocked him even more.

“Hi Spike. Can we come in?” Buffy asked, standing as the spokes person for the entire group of Scoobies, who stood behind her. The whelp had a grocery bag held in his hands and a case of beer tucked under his arm. Anya had a couple of pizzas, Red and Tara were also holding a bag from some store, and the nibblet had a deck of cards and a case for holding poker chips. He looked back at Buffy, who was smiling that smile at him.

“Uh, yeah, come in.” He said, still bewildered. He opened the door further and they all traipsed in, setting their stuff down in various places. They all turned and looked at each other, a moment of uncomfortable silence passing over them. No one seemed to know what to say.

“So then…uh, what’s the occasion?” Spike asked, generally motioning to the items that the Scoobies had brought over. Buffy stepped forward.

“This is your official ‘Welcome to the gang’ party. See, we realized that even though you’ve been a member of our group for a couple of years now, we’ve basically treated you like crap, and never once thanked you for anything. So this is kind of like a peace offering. We realize how much we need you in our group now, and how much you’ve helped us in the past, even if reluctantly at the time. We’d like to all be friends.” Buffy said, looking at the bewildered vampire.

They needed him? They wanted to be his friend? They were letting him into their tight niche known as ‘the Scooby gang’?

After what seemed like minutes, Spike finally spoke up.

“So do I get a member’s card or somethin’?” He asked, nonchalantly. Everybody grinned.

“See! I *so* told you we should have member’s cards, or rings or…” Willow started rambling on about special Scooby identifier props.

“Alright, the party is on!” Xander said, grabbing a beer out of the six-pack. Anya and Tara began to take the items out of the bag Xander had carried, more food stuffs- potato chips, dip, sodas, Oreo cookies, and cheese & crackers. But Spike was most impressed when the demon girl pulled out of the bag a familiar brown butcher’s bag. They had bought him blood.

“Hey Dead-boy Jr., catch.” Xander said as he tossed Spike a beer. Instead of smacking Xander, Anya only sent him a withering glare for the name-calling. Spike caught the beer, vamped out, bit the top off the bottle and took a drink.

“Thanks mate. Cheers.” Spike said, taking another drink. Red walked up to him and held out the bag that she had brought. Tara was standing behind Willow, watching shyly.

“What’s this?” Spike asked, taking the bag from her.

“Well, it’s a gift. A couple of things that Tara and I cooked up. Some protection spells, some new candles, the amulet of Bytanor…” Willow said, and Spike looked up at her shocked.

“Oh, so you know what that one is.” Willow smiled as Spike fished the amulet out of the bag.

“And what it does. Where did you get this?”

“Actually, I’ve had it for awhile. Tara came across it a few months ago at the Summer solstice celebration, and we held on to it incase we ever needed it. Cause, you know, you save us an awful lot, but that’s usually during the night, and hey- evil doesn’t always wait until nighttime, I mean, just look at Glory! I wish that we had this amulet when she was around. Not that I want her still around! And I’m babbling, so I’m stopping now.”

Spike held up the amulet so that he could see it better. It was on a short silver chain with a circular moonstone the size of a nickel at the center. Embedded on top of the stone was an intricate crescent moon made of silver. He could actually feel the magic vibrations coming from the amulet. After all, most charms for vampires require some of the highest magics.

“Thanks Red, Tara. I wish I could use it right now. I haven’t seen the sun in…well, no, actually, I saw the sun about three years ago when I had the Gem of Amara…”

“Yep, just think, no more running around underneath blankets.” Buffy added, to get the subject off of that day with the Gem of Amara.

“Good riddance!” Spike said as he undid the clasp and put it on around his neck.

“Hm, and not only does it protect vampires from getting all dusty in the sun, it’s also a cool fashion accessory.” Buffy said cheerily.

“Buffy, that’s not all it does. He’ll be able to see himself in a mirror too.” Willow said proudly, obviously pleased with her self.

“No way! That is so cool!” Dawn said as she rummaged through her purse to pull out her compact mirror to give to Spike.

“Nope, I got something better Dawnie.” Willow said as she fished around in the bag and pulled out a handheld mirror the size of a dinner plate. She handed it to Spike face down. He stared at the back of the mirror for a moment, trying to prepare himself. He could barely remember what he looked like when he was turned. He knew he had blue eyes and high cheekbones, but that was about all he could remember. He quickly glanced at all of the Scoobs watching him intently, then turned the mirror over and held it up so he could see in it.

“Cor…” He gaped. “Bloody hell, that’s what I look like? No wonder the ladies swoon.”

His comment earned several unanimous groans and sighs.


	4. Chapter 4

The party was going pretty good. They were about an hour into it when Spike noticed the demon girl urging Xander to do something. The whelp looked pretty apprehensive about it, but eventually caved in. He walked up to Spike and pulled a book out from one of his pockets.  
“Hey.” Xander greeted him a bit nervously. Spike gave him a questioning look.

“I uh…well, see….um, Anya and I got this for you. Dawn helped us pick it out. She thought you’d like it.” Xander said as he held the book out to Spike.

From the other side of the room Dawn saw the exchange and quickly walked over to see Spike’s reaction.

Spike was looking down at the book with an unreadable look on his face. Dawn smiled widely.

“You like it? I saw that you had all of these poetry books up here the other day. So I figured, hey, the guy likes poetry. I even marked the page of one that I thought you’d like.” Dawn said proudly.

“Er, thanks.” Spike said a little awkwardly. He did like poetry, but he didn’t know how he felt about the Scoobies knowing about his softer side. He was a bit shocked when Xander didn’t make any jibes at him though.

“What, no wise cracks about me bein’ all soft and poofy like?” Spike looked up at Xander.

“Well, I won’t lie, it is tempting. But strange as it sounds, I kinda respect you now.” Xander said nervously.

“No need to get all mushy on me, mate.” Spike teased.

“Shut up.” Xander said, pushing him on the shoulder good-naturedly. Spike chuckled and opened the book to the page Dawn had marked for him. He grinned when he saw the poem. He gave Dawn a nod of thanks and cleared his throat, looking directly at Buffy.   
“Of dark and light, mysteries cried out   
look here, look here and learn of fear.   
Unutterable deeds of men does shout   
For mankind to shed but a single tear.

Past and present coalesce.   
Single minded passions run   
till bowed they angrily acquiesce   
to that which foul deeds are done.

As the hawk does stalk the dove   
elusive dreams shatter with morn.   
And over all the triumph of love   
the seeds from which hope is born.

what is love without the pain?   
And what is light without the dark?   
To savor the sun there must be rain,   
'ere we come home, must embark.

Of fear and pain our estate   
inherent from the opened locks.   
but worth the cost to fill our plate   
With the final content of Pandora's box.”

 

“Wow.” Buffy breathed. The rest of the gang was making other comments of approval, but Buffy and Spike weren’t paying attention to anything except each other. Buffy was smiling and Spike loved it. It was a real smile, not those fake ones she had gotten used to wearing since she came back. He brushed a strand of hair from her face and smiled back at her.

“Remind you of anyone, luv?”

Buffy answered him by grabbing him by the shirt and kissing him passionately. He didn’t even notice when he dropped the poetry book on the ground.

“Wow, that’s hot!” Anya remarked, fanning herself with her hand. The others stood slightly slack jawed, but none of them could truly be shocked. They all had suspected as much.

“Xander, why don’t you kiss me like that anymore? You used to kiss me like that.” Anya grumbled with her arms crossed.

“Well, I …uh, well…” Xander muttered, unable to reply.

“Guys…?” Dawn tried to get Buffy and Spike’s attention when they did not break the kiss.

“Guys?” She said a bit more forcefully. The couple apparently had forgotten there were other people in the room.

“GUYS!!” Dawn shouted again when they started to get a little indecent. The couple broke off suddenly, realizing again that they had guests. Buffy was blushing furiously.

“So…uh, cards anyone?” Spike said as he swaggered a bit from the intensity of the kiss. Dawn laughed at the goofy grin Spike had plastered on his face.

* * *

They played cards for hours, Buffy and Spike kicking the other Scobbie’s asses. When they all got bored (and the majority of them bankrupt) they tossed in their cards, trying to figure out what else to do.

“Tell us what you were like when you were human.” Dawn asked Spike.

“What?” Spike looked at her incredulously, like she had grown a second head.

“Well we heard some stuff when identity crisis chick was messing with you. Now we’re all curious.” Dawn explained. Spike looked appalled.

“No way nibblet!” Spike protested. Then Dawn did something Spike dreaded. Something that always made him cave in. She gave him her puppy dog eyes.

“Pleeeeaaase Spike?” She pouted. Spike growled in annoyance, trying to look away from her pleading eyes, but the damage was already done. He looked around at the Scoobies waiting for ridicule but he only saw curiosity in their faces.

“Yeah Spike, tell us about our favorite neighborhood vamp.” Buffy added, giving her own version of puppy dog eyes. Now he was really done for. Spike sighed in defeat and disgust.

“Fine! Why not? S’not like my dignity isn’t ruined already.” Spike grumbled as he sat down in his armchair. The rest of the Scoobs made themselves comfortable, waiting to hear his story.

“Well uh…” Spike swallowed audibly, raking a hand through his blonde hair. He sighed and sat forward resting his elbows against his knees, preparing to spill all.

“Well it’s like this; I was born William Walden III. My father was an upper class prat who was the president of a prominent bank in London. I forget which one. Anyway…my mum was a nice lady. Distant, but nice. She was the typical upper class bint; her father arranged her marriage to my Da, the richest man in London at the time. She was about 16 when she gave birth to me…” Spike paused to grab a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. If he was going to tell his sordid nancy-boy past, he was gonna look cool when he did it.

“So anyways, by the time I was 25 or so, I fancied myself a poet. I had all sorts of opportunities for careers at the time, my Da offered me a position at his bank, and I could’ve attended Oxford to become a doctor, that sort of thing. But back then, being the little prat that I was, I figured that poetry was my forte, so I began to write the most God-awful stuff you could ever read, whilst attendin’ parties and such, as was the proper thing to do in those days. I fell in love with a bint named Cecily. She was the most popular girl, the one that all the gents tried to woo. ‘Course, me bein’ the bloody fool I was, I figured I had a chance to woo her with my words. I was writin’ a poem about her durrin’ one of those parties, tryin’ to describe the feelings I had for her. So anyways, this wanker takes my poem from me and reads it in front of everyone, just as Cecily entered the room. Everyone knew that I had a crush on her, so she was real embarrassed like, and fled the room. As I went after her, I heard some of those wankers say some things they would regret later on…” Spike paused to take a drag on his cigarette and gauge the reactions from the gang. Everyone remembered what those people said to him when the First morphed into the people from his past, but they were all listening intently, none of them reaching for a stake or making fun of him, so he continued.

“Right, so anyway, I went after her and found her bein’ all distressed and ladylike fanning herself. She asked me if the poems were about her, and I said yeah, and she got all flustered like. I told her that I loved her and that I was a good man and all that rot, but she rejected me…. She….she told me that I was nothing to her. That I was beneath her.” Spike said as he flicked his cigarette butt to the ground and crushed it beneath his boot. He kept his gaze steady on the ground, not wanting to look into the faces of his friends. Spike had to bite back a chuckle at that last thought. His friends. William the bloody has human friends. Still, even if it did make him feel like a nancy-boy, he liked having them as his friends. It made him feel needed. The First Evil proved to him that his greatest nightmare was to not be needed. Well actually that, and Buffy’s death. It was a close tie. Pushing back these thoughts, he continued.

“So after having my heart broken mercilessly, I stormed out from the party, tearing my poems to shreds. I ducked into an alleyway and sat down. That’s where Dru found me…” Spike said as he took another cigarette out, lighting it. He inhaled the smoke and blew it out again before continuing.

“You all can probably guess what happened next. She said the right words to me and next thing I know, I’m wakin’ up inside a coffin. Now keep in mind I didn’t have control of my demon back then…I was no better than a blood thirsty newly risen vamp. But Dru and Angelus were there, waiting for me. That’s one of the differences between minions and Childer. Sire’s come for their Childer. They are there when you first awaken, to teach you, to train you. Dru was pretty worthless in the teaching department, so Angelus was kind of my surrogate Sire. The rest is rather unpleasant, specially for a PG-13 audience, Lil’ bit.” Spike glanced at Dawn. Dawn just rolled her eyes.

“When did you start to control your demon?” Dawn asked, ignoring him. Spike let out an exasperated sigh and sat back in his chair, taking another drag from his cigarette.

“Didn’t take long. The day or so I was like an animal. It took a little while for me to balance out the demon, and take control of it. After that, I found I had quite a knack for irritating Angelus. Drove him off his bloody rocker at times. He’s tried to stake me so many times I’ve lost count.” Spike chuckled at the memories.

“What did you do to him?” Xander asked eagerly, excited to hear new ways at tormenting Angel. Spike laughed at the boy’s curiosity.

“Well, lets see…” Spike paused, conjuring up memories. “About a month after I was turned we were hiddin’ out in Yorkshire, England. I caused a stir in London by killin’ off those blokes at that party. The whole town went nuts, formin’ a bloody riot. I was havin’ the time of my bloody un-life rilin’ up that lot. But Angelus, the wuss he is, made us hide out in a soddin’ coal mine in Yorkshire. Chapped his hide somethin’ fierce, that did. He damn near staked me, again. The bloody fool was goin’ on about how I was ruin’ his soddin’ reputation.” Spike snorted.

“How did you get the nickname ‘Spike’?” Dawn asked.

“Do you really need to ask that, nibblet?” Spike gave her a ‘you know why’ look.

“Are there any stories without mayhem, blood and torture?” Buffy asked pointedly.

“Er, yeah actually…” Spike scratched his head nervously. Then he grinned as a memory surfaced. “Alright kiddies, this one could be considered a horror story for some of us.” Spike grinned conspiratorially at Xander.

“There was this one time in Paris, the four of us were looking for a good time. This was around…oh, 1890 or so. There was this new nightclub we’d heard of called ‘the Red Windmill’, or as you’d know it, ‘Le Moulin Rouge’. We’d been prattling around Europe lookin’ for some good hunting grounds. Dru said that ‘the pretty lights ’ and ‘dancing faeries’ were calling to her, or some such rot. Anyway, we found the club and got in. Now durrin’ those times a dance like the ‘can-can’ was practically scandalous, so I was havin’ a good ol’ time. Angelus, bein’ the damn stick in the mud that he is, was getting bored and insisted that we leave. By that time the drinks that we ordered came, so we drank. I just had some bourbon, whilst Angelus always did like the stronger stuff. He had Absinthe. Pretty much that’s a mixture of Opium and Vodka. The prat loosened his collar considerably after that. By the time he was on his third shot he was out on the dance floor kickin’ his legs along with the bloody ‘can-can’ dancers!” Spike laughed, barely able to finish his sentence. The gang was snickering at the mental image.

“Oh, but that’s not all. Then the git started to sing horribly to whatever song they had playin’! I think that had to be the worst of it, he’s a bloody awful singer! The git sounds a cat in heat mixed with a dying cow!” Spike laughed as he grimaced at the memory, whist the Scoobies were practically in stitches, laughing. Harris was wiping tears from his eyes from laughing so hard.

“Oh man, I am so going to have to bring that up next time I see him!” Xander commented.

“That is so cool that you went to the Moulin Rouge! Is it anything like the movie?” Dawn asked eagerly.

“The new one? I wouldn’t know platelet, I haven’t seen it.” Spike shrugged.

“Oh! We are *so* gonna have to rent it! Can we Buffy, please?” Dawn begged.

“I guess. We could have a movie night. We haven’t done that in a long time.” Buffy commented.

“Cool!” Dawn squealed in excitement.

“Oi! Then there was this one time I caught peaches tryin’ on Dru’s dresses…” Spike started to say, but Buffy cut him off.

“Maybe another time, for that story Spike. It’s way past your bedtime Dawnie. We should get going.” Buffy said as she stood up.

“Do we have to?” Dawn whined.

“YES. It’s past midnight, and you have school tomorrow.” Buffy said.

“School sucks.” Dawn mumbled as she rose to her feet.

“Well, I suppose we should all call it a night then.” Willow said as she and Tara stood, as did Xander and Anya. They all picked up their’ messes, throwing the trash into the grocery bag they had brought, as Dawn gathered up the cards and chips from their poker game.   
Earlier, when Dawn had suggested that they played poker, Spike had been pleased when he saw Buffy blushing several shades of red. He knew that she was thinking the same thing that he was. "Does that last one involve stripping?” When she had looked up at him, he raised his eyebrows suggestively, which caused her to duck her head and blush even more. She had been so flustered that she nearly hit the roof when Dawn had suggested that they play strip poker, jokingly of course.

 

“We’ll see you around Spike, and welcome to the gang.” Willow called out cheerfully as she headed to the door.

“Later Red.”

“Bye.” Tara said shyly as she followed Willow. Spike nodded and gave her his sexiest grin, which caused the shy witch to blush as she scrambled out the door.

“See ya around Jr. You up for a game of pool sometime?” Xander asked.

“Sure, if you’re in the mood for loosing your money.” Spike replied. Xander just glared at him in mock annoyance as he left.

“Good bye Spike. I hope you don’t kill us now that we trust you. That would be bad.” Anya replied a little too cheerily while smiling.

“Er, right. I won’t.” Spike replied awkwardly, shaking his head as he watched the demon girl join Xander and the others outside his crypt.

“I’m just gonna tuck Dawn in, then I’ll be back for patrol. You up for it?” Buffy asked.

“Always luv.” Spike purred with a suggestive raise of his eyebrows. Buffy blushed, his double entendre not lost on her.

“Right, patrolling.” Dawn said, disbelieving. Nothing was lost on her. “G’night Spike. Love ya.” Dawn said, kissing his cheek. Spike scratched his head nervously at her show of affection.

“Er, right….’night, nibblet. Don’t let the bed vamps bite.”

“What am I, five?” She retorted as she joined the rest of the scoobs outside.

“I’ll be back in an half hour. See ya then.” Buffy kissed him and walked out the door. Spike stood there for a couple of minutes and stared at the door that the group had just exited minutes ago.

“What a bloody strange week.” He said out loud, fingering the amulet around his neck.

* * *

Two weeks later, since Willow and Tara had given Spike the Amulet of Brytanor, Spike had started to keep daylight hours. It wasn’t too difficult since he didn’t sleep much during the day anyway, but now thanks to the amulet, he could do other things instead of being holed up in his crypt all day, and had no need for SPF blanket. Buffy had bought him some sunglasses, and Dawn had gave him some suntan lotion. He was a bit apprehensive about going out into the sun at first. Who wouldn’t be after one hundred and twenty seven years of avoiding it? So it took him some time getting used to. But now he loved the sun… aside from the one unfortunate day where he sat outside too long and got a nice sunburn. He thanked whatever Gods for vampire healing, or else he would have been one crispy critter for a whole week at least.

Then last week he realized he could get a job, now that he could go out in the daylight, and had a reflection. They had gotten past the obstacle of a birth certificate, Green card and all of that legal paperwork thanks to Willow. Since her absence from magic she had reverted back into ‘hacker’ persona, so the job of getting Spike legal documents was a much-needed project for her. When all was said and done, Anya had hired him at the Magic Box, mostly for grunt work, but soon the group learned that he had quite an extensive knowledge of magic- black magics mostly- and demons.

It had almost unnerved the group a little to find that there was a loophole in the chip that he could have used all of this time. The chip didn’t go off if he used magic, and he knew some pretty nasty spells. When questioned why he didn’t use them, he simply replied with a shrug: “I never did like usin’ that hocus pocus stuff. That was Angelus and Dru’s obsession. I figured it was like cheating, and what’s the fun in that? Give me a good ol’ fashioned brawl any day.”

After that the group trusted him even more. He was truly accepted into the core of the Scooby gang, and it wasn’t just because he was now Buffy’s boyfriend. Spike was still reeling from that alone. He was the happiest he had ever been, and he didn’t care how much of a sap that made him. He accepted it now. He really was a nancy-boy, ‘specially when it came to the Summer’s girls.

Dawn was the more manipulative of the two. All she had to do was turn those puppy-dog eyes on him, and he basically did whatever she wanted.

He wasn’t just Buffy’s willing slave, apparently.

One day he was pleasantly surprised by Buffy. She led him into her room with a secretive smile on her face.

“What’s this all about pet?” Spike asked.

“I kind of have a little surprise for you.”

“Just as long as it’s not long, pointy and made of wood.” Spike chuckled.

“Well, actually, it is made of wood…” Buffy smiled sweetly as she pulled open the third drawer of her dresser. Spike peeked in. It was empty.

“Uh, luv?” Spike said questioningly. “The drawer is empty.”

“I know. It’s for you.”

“An empty drawer? Awww, luv, you shouldn’t have.” Spike teased, not getting why she was giving him an empty drawer.

“You dork, it’s for you to put your clothes in. ‘Cause, you know, you spend the night over here all the time, and it really makes no sense for you to run back to your crypt every morning to get some clean clothes.” Buffy said, slightly fidgeting under his gaze.

“Is this…. A relationship thing?” Spike questioned.   
Spike was still a little lost when it came to relationships with humans. He had never been with a human, so little things like having a drawer for your clothes at your girlfriends house was kind of confusing for him. Their’ first date had been interesting to say the least.

 

“Yeah.” Buffy replied.

“Then I love it.” Spike grinned and kissed her.

“Eww, get a room!” Dawn teased from Buffy’s doorway.

“We have a room nibblet. You’re the voyeur here.” Spike teased back. Dawn curled up her nose, turned and went into her room, turning up her CD player.

“She plays that bloody song all the time!” Spike growled in annoyance as the music filtered through the paper-thin walls.

“Well whose fault is it for buying her the CD and the CD player, daddy vamp?” Buffy grinned. Spike glared at her.

“It’s sickening how she manipulates me. Who ever heard of a soddin’ master vampire bein’ manipulated by a 16 year old girl?” Spike grumbled in what he hoped was a menacing voice, but it was far from it.

“Blame it on the Hell-mouth, honey.” Buffy replied with an impish grin as she swatted his rear-end playfully.

“Mmm, pet, don’t start somethin’ you’re not gonna finish.” Spike warned with a lustful gaze.

“Is sex all you ever think about?” Buffy asked.

“Only around you, luv.” He chuckled as he advanced toward her, pulling her into his arms.

“Spike, you know we can’t start this now… later, tonight.” Buffy meekly tried to push him away as he nuzzled her neck and began purring. That always sent tinglies down her spine and made her stomach do flip-flops.

“You started it, luv.” Spike reminded her as he placed kisses on her neck.

“And I’m going to stop it too. Dawn’s in the house, we can’t do this now.” Buffy reminded him. There had been an unpleasant incident about a week ago when Buffy and Spike had lost track of time, and didn’t realize that Dawn had come home from school.   
Dawn entered the house, and once she heard the growls, moans and other pleasure-filled noises coming from upstairs, she turned right around and sat on the front porch, waiting outside until they were finished. Spike had found here out there when he went out for a cigarette. She wouldn’t look him in the eyes, and had turned a deep shade of red, similar to the color of Willow’s hair. After that, they had to learn how to keep their’ hormones in check.

 

“Alright, luv. I’ve got to stop by the butchers and pick up a few pints. I’ll grab my clothes on the way back.” He said, giving her a swift kiss and heading out the door.

“Bye.” Buffy called out after him.

“Be back in a few nibblet.” Spike yelled to her over his shoulder as he went down the stairs and headed to the door.

“Can I come with?” Dawn jumped off her bed and ran down the stairs to meet him in the hallway by the door.

“What for? I’m just going to the butchers and stopping by my crypt.”

“Yeah, but that new store ‘Four corners’ is across the street from the butchers, and I have been dying to go check it out. Please Spike?” Dawn pleaded, flashing him the dreaded puppy eyes. Spike sighed in defeat.

“Bloody fantastic. Manipulated by a sixteen year old girl.” Spike mumbled to himself. “Go ask your sis. If it’s alright with her, you can come.”

Dawn rushed upstairs, and he could hear the girls talking in Buffy’s room. After a few seconds of debating, Buffy agreed, Dawn squealed in excitement and came bounding down the stairs.

“She said yes!” Dawn said happily as she pulled on her jacket. Spike pulled on his duster and opened the door.

“Bye Buffy!” Dawn called out as she walked outside.

“Be back soon, luv.”

“Bye guys!” Buffy called back as the front door closed behind the two.

* * *

“Oh my God, wait until Christy sees me wearing this at the Bronze tomorrow night!” Dawn squealed happily as she glanced inside her bag from ‘Four corners’. Spike had been reluctant to go into the ‘girly’ store, but Dawn dragged him in using her secret weapon. Spike was even more horrified when Dawn had handed him her purse and told him to sit in a chair and wait for her to try on dresses. He was left sitting in the chair, scowling at her purse.

After she had tried on four different dresses, she came out of the fitting rooms wearing a short burgundy little red number that made her look like a Goddess. Spike’s first reaction was to jump out of the chair, demanding that Dawn go right back into that stall and take off the dress, because “No bloody way in *hell* was she going out in public wearing something like that.”

The dress was way too sexy for a sixteen year-old girl, but Dawn had sweet-talked him into it, using her puppy dog eyes. Spike relented, swearing under his breath that Buffy was going to stake him for buying it for Dawn.

“Yeah, yeah, just don’t let me catch you rubbing up some guy wearin’ that thing. If I see a guy touch you, chip or no, I’ll rip his throat out, got it?” Spike swore as the two walked outside into the afternoon sun, to the butcher’s shop.

“Geez, over-protective much?”

“I can’t believe I’m bein’ manipulated by a sixteen year-old girl…” Spike mumbled beneath his breath. That one sentence was becoming his mantra lately.

“Come on, you know you love me.” Dawn smiled at the flustered vampire.

“Love to eat you.” He glared at her as he opened the door to the butcher shop, ushering her in first.

“Right. That’s why you buy me expensive dresses and my favorite CD’s and…” Dawn started to prattle off, but Spike interrupted her.

“I get the bloody picture!” Spike sighed as he ran a hand through his tousled hair.   
Buffy preferred the ‘tousled look’, instead of his usual slicked back appearance. Whenever he slicked his hair back, she tousled it the first chance she got. After awhile, he just kept it styled that way. Besides, he liked how she called it the ‘just got shagged’ look.   
“What can I get for you?” The butcher behind the counter asked.

“Four pints of the special, mate.” Spike said, and the butcher quickly glanced up at the mirror angled on the ceiling above them. He glanced at Spike in confusion upon seeing his reflection, but nodded his head anyway.

“I’ll just be a moment.” The butcher smiled politely as he went into the back.

Both Spike and Dawn turned to glance at the front door when they heard it open, and a tall, burly looking man walked into the butcher shop. The man looked for all the world like a redneck logger, complete with a dirty red flannel vest, tattoos up both burly arms and spit cup for his tobacco wad in his stained yellow teeth. Dawn instinctively curled up her nose in disgust. This man reeked of chewing tobacco and whiskey.

The three stood there, waiting, and Spike glanced back at the redneck when the man appeared to be annoyed with waiting. The man charged up to the counter and pounded viciously on the metal bell to get the butcher’s attention.

The butcher appeared from around the corner, his dingy white apron smeared slightly with blood.

“Can I help you sir?” The butcher asked from where he stood. He suddenly looked apprehensive when he recognized the man.

“Can a guy get some service around here? I need a dozen steaks and a rump roast.” The redneck ordered gruffly.

“I’ll be with you in just a minute, Tony.” The butcher replied and disappeared around the corner again. The red neck grumbled in annoyance. Thirty seconds later the redneck was pounding on the bell again.

“Can I get my order sometime today?!” The redneck shouted. Before Spike could stop her, Dawn opened her mouth.

“Wait your turn, the guy said he’d be done in a minute.” Dawn said.

“I wasn’t talkin’ to you little girl.” The man practically growled.

“I’m not a little girl.” Dawn glared at the man.

“You shut your yap kid, before I shut it for you.” The redneck glared back, pointing his finger at her. Spike was seething. No one talked to his nibblet like that. He was fighting really hard to keep his anger in check.

“Piss off you over-grown Neanderthal.” Dawn retorted.

“You little bitch!” The man shouted as he lunged for Dawn. Spike quickly grabbed the man’s hand and crushed his wrist in his vice-like grip. The man shouted in pain.

“I suggest you apologize to the lady, mate.” Spike glared at the man, his voice cold and deadly.

“Fuck off!” The man shouted and swung wildly with his other fist, but Spike anticipated it and ducked, then bobbed up and slammed his fist into the redneck’s face, sending him flying back into the wall, a good 10 ft away. The man lay there, unconscious.

“Spike…the chip.” Dawn gazed up at him in confusion. The realization finally struck Spike. He just hit a human and he didn’t have a migraine. He looked down at his hands.

“Bloody hell.” He whispered. He glanced back over at Dawn.

“Are you okay nibblet?” He asked, noting the worried look on her face.

“Yeah. Are you?”

“I think I’ve had better days…” Spike said, glancing at the ‘over-grown Neanderthal’, lying on the ground.

He heard a paper bag being set on the counter, and Spike glanced up to see the butcher, looking over at the redneck.

“You do that?” The butcher asked Spike.

“Yeah, mate. Sorry ‘bout the mess.” Spike replied. Then to his shock, the butcher smiled.

“Thanks. I’ve been wanting to do that to him for months.” The butcher motioned to the unconscious logger.

“Er, your welcome… I think.” Spike said as he dug out his wallet to pay for the blood.

“No charge.” The butcher waved off Spike’s money and handed him the bag. 

“Thanks, mate.” Spike nodded his head in thanks and left the shop, opening the door for Dawn on the way out.

* * *

“Bloody hell. Bloody fucking hell…” Spike paced around the upper level of his crypt as Dawn watched on.

“Are you going to be okay?” She asked from her perch on top of one of the sarcophagi.

“No. I’m not. This is not good. This is bloody not good!” Spike continued to pace, running his hand through his hair for the thousandth time.

“Spike, we should get back. Buffy will start to worry about us.” Dawn said, glancing up through one of the windows. The sun was starting to set.

“I don’t know what to do… I can’t go back there, she’ll stake me. She won’t trust me….Oh, bloody hell! They won’t trust me either! Bloody buggering hell! I’m fucked.” Spike swore as he dug through a chest in the far corner. He stood when he found what he was looking for: his bottle of bourbon. He tore off the cap and downed nearly half of it in one gulp.

“Spike, calm down! It won’t be that bad! It can’t be!” Dawn pleaded with him.

“No, it’s worse. Buffy won’t love me anymore. The only reason she loves me is because of the soddin’ chip! It’s the only way she’ll trust me!” Spike downed another third of the bourbon. He paused when a thought suddenly struck him.

“I know! I’ll find some more of those Initiative buggers! There has to be some more of the blokes out there somewhere…” Spike started to get lost in thought, rambling on about finding the initiative, or loosing everything he had with Buffy and the gang.

“Spike, stop it!!” Dawn shouted, tears springing to her eyes. Spike stopped his litany cold, and walked over to her.

“Nibblet, don’t cry, I’m sorry. I’m just scared, that’s all.” Spike apologized, and then a pained look crossed his face. He took several steps back from her. Dawn saw his face slip into a stoic mask. Something had snapped inside the vampire. His entire body tensed up.

“You should go nibblet. Before it gets dark. You shouldn’t be hanging around a demon like me.” Spike said as impassively as he could, his voice devoid of emotion. In reality it was tearing him up inside. For the past month he had been living in a fantasy world of sorts, in Buffy’s world. Here he could pretend that he was human. He could walk in the sun and look at himself in the mirror, thanks to the witches. Now everything was crumbling down around him. The feelings of trust and love he had with Buffy and the Scoobies had just turned to dust right in front of him. They’d never trust him now. Why should they?

Spike looked down at his hands.

Over a hundred years of violence, death and destruction were caused by his hands. Why should any of the Scoobies trust him, now that the chip was gone? He could see himself in their' eyes now. He was a monster.

“I don’t want to go.” Dawn said stubbornly.

“I said go.” He repeated coldly.

“But..”

“GO!!” He erupted, shouting at the top of his lungs. Dawn squeaked in surprise and quickly bolted out the crypt door, the white bag from the store flailing behind her.

Spike hated himself. He hated that he was so harsh on her. He hated that she trusted him, when she shouldn’t. He hated that this was happening. He hated that his world was pulled out from underneath him like a rug. The world where Buffy loved him was as good as a fairy tale now.

“Did you really think it would last, you git?” Spike asked himself out loud. The bitter answer welled up in his throat, choking him. He knew the answer. Oh, how he knew the answer. It was all too good to be true, and he knew it from the moment that Buffy and the gang accepted him.

He downed the last of the bourbon and tossed the bottle carelessly away. It shattered against a concrete wall.

“Why the fuck does this shit happen to me?” Spike glanced around his crypt in despair. This place wasn’t home to him anymore. Buffy and Dawn’s house was home. This was just a place were he kept his stuff, now.

“A bleedin’ fairy tale, that’s what you’ve been living, mate. Looks like it’s time to crash back into reality.” Spike said bitterly. He looked around his crypt and realized with a broken heart what he must do. He went down to the lower levels and picked up his duffle bag, throwing his clothes, and various items into it. He lifted up the corner of his mattress pad and pulled out a small brown leather journal from underneath it. He flipped open the cover, and looked at the picture that he had stuck there not long after his party.

Dawn had given it to him. It was a picture of all the Scoobies, Buffy and Dawn in the forefront, standing outside the Magic Box.

With a heavy heart, Spike sat down on his bed and flipped through the pages of the book, filled with his journal entries and scant tries at poetry. He had to admit, he had gotten better than he used to be in his human days, but it was still pretty sucky. At last, he came to a blank page, and tore it out. He scribbled a note for Buffy and lay it down on his bed. He went to toss the book into his duffle bag, but stopped. He opened up the cover of the book and took out the picture, dug out his wallet and placed it in there. Placing the wallet back into his pocket, and tossing the book into his bag, he stood and made a quick sweep of the crypt, checking to see if he forgot anything.

Sighing, he zipped up the bag and shouldered it, then climbed the ladder to the upper level. He grabbed the blood out of the fridge, and headed to the door. Glancing back as he opened it, he whispered to the empty room:

“I’m sorry, Buffy.” He turned and left, closing the door behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Buffy,   
I’m sure that by now the nibblet has told you what happened. I’m sorry, love.   
I don’t know what happened. I guess after all this time, the chip malfunctioned.   
I wish it could be different, pet…but I know that with the chip gone, you’ll never   
Trust me. And I want you to trust me, Buffy. You, the nibblet and the Scoobies.   
I’m going to see if I can find anymore of those initiative buggers lying around.   
Maybe they’ll want to ram another chip in my skull. Hell, I’ll even pay the buggers to do it.   
I’m nothing without you, Buffy. And without the chip, I don’t have you… So I have to do this.   
Please tell Dawn I’m sorry for yelling at her, I didn’t mean to upset her.  
Love,   
William

Buffy held the letter loosely in her hands after reading it for the third time. She sat in silence on Spike’s bed in the lower levels of his crypt. Dawn had run home and told Buffy what had happened at the Butcher’s and at Spike’s crypt. As soon as she heard the chip had malfunctioned, she knew how.

“What did you do to him?” Buffy demanded.

“You’ll find out soon enough…” The First said tauntingly.

“That Bitch!” Buffy shouted into the lower levels, her voice echoing throughout the tunnels.

“Spike…you didn’t have to leave, you idiot.” Buffy whimpered as tears slid down her face. She clutched the letter to her chest and lay down on his bed, curled up into a ball.

* * *

The occupants of the Magic Box were all sitting silently around the lit-up round table that had held several Scooby meetings in the past. The shop was devoid of customers at the moment, and the recent news Buffy told them all had silenced the group. The general mood was somber, but it put Anya in an especially bad mood.

“How could he do this?” Anya asked, incredulously. Off of everyone’s confused looks she continued. “He didn’t even give me two weeks notice…! How am I supposed to find someone else to stock the shelves on such short notice? Now I’m going to have to do all that work myself. How inconsiderate!” She complained.

“Anya, I think we have bigger problems than you losing an employee.” Xander said.

“Well, he can just forget about leave with pay. You know, I should fire him. This is not a good way to treat your first employer!” Anya huffed, ignoring Xander.

“Am I the only one that is paying attention? Spike’s chip isn’t working anymore. That rates pretty high on my ‘really not good-o-meter’.” Xander re-iterated.

“Well, yeah, but he wouldn’t…you know…He wouldn’t go back to his old ways….would he?” Willow said with a wince.

“Well, he always said…” Xander started to say, but Dawn angrily cut him off.

“He wouldn’t do that!” She snapped.

“Dawn…” Xander started, but Dawn cut him off again.

“He isn’t like that anymore, and you know it! You should have seen him! He was majorly freaked because he knew you guys wouldn’t trust him anymore!” Dawn was on the brink of tears, remembering the pain in his face.

“Dawn’s right. He…He left me a note…” Buffy said sullenly and placed the note on the table for all to see. Willow picked up the note, read it, and passed it on.

“Oh, Buffy… Are you going to be okay?” Willow said, after she read the note.

Buffy swallowed hard and blinked to fight back the tears that threatened to spill, but one tear escaped. She quickly wiped it away to hide it, but the others saw.

“I’ll be fine…” Buffy said in a shaky voice. “He said he was coming back…. So I’m not worried.” Buffy said quietly.

“Well, actually in the note he doesn’t say that he’s coming back…Ow!” Xander yelped as Willow kicked him in the shin under the table. “Well, maybe I’m reading it wrong.” He quickly amended.

“It’s okay, guys. I’ll be okay. I know he’ll come back. I just wish I knew where he was.” Buffy said, sadly.

* * *

“You’ve got to be bloody kidding me.”

“Oh no, precious, that’s the deal.” The green skinned demon replied.

“Why the bleedin’ hell would I want a reading? I just want information!” Spike said angrily and tossed back another shot of tequila. 

After driving for two hours, Spike had finally arrived in LA. He heard from a Kleriech demon at Willy’s in Sunnydale, about a bar called Caritas that was practically an information hot spot. If Spike wanted to pick up a lead on the Initiative guys, he would probably find it there, or so the demon said before Spike cut off his head. So here he was in ‘Caritas’, a Karaoke bar in LA, owned by a green skinned, red eyed, red horned demon that dressed like a neutral color-blind pimp.

 

“Trust me, Billy, you need to hear this.” The demon calling himself “the Host” told him.

“So get on with it and bloody tell me already. And don’t call me Billy.” Spike said angrily and motioned for the bartender to refill his drink.

“It doesn’t work that way Blondie. You need to sing.” Lorne said, pointing to the stage where a Mora demon was belting out “Copa cabana”. Spike winced.

“Bollocks. Tell me what I need to know, or I’ll rip your bloody intestines out and play skip-rope with them.”

“Oh, you are a touchy one. As charming as that sounds, sweets, I’m going to have to decline. Besides, my bar has an anti-violence spell on it.”

“Bloody hell.” Spike tossed back his shot, and then grabbed the bottle from the bartender when he went to refill his drink.

* * *

Dawn came down from the upper balcony of the Magic Box, where she had been replacing a book for Willow.

Xander, Tara and Willow were gathered around the table that was piled high with research books, still looking for the mysterious ‘frost monster’, Anya was helping a customer, and the sounds of a punching back getting the beating of it’s life revealed that Buffy was in the training room.

Dawn sighed and sat down on one of the bottom steps of the latter.

“Still no luck?” Dawn asked Willow. Willow sighed and shook her head in defeat, closing the book she was searching.

“Oh guys, this is ridiculous.” Willow said to the group as soon as the customer left. “There’s no such thing as a frost monster.”

A moment of silence passed over the group as they tried to think of what to do. There had been a mysterious article in the newspaper about a security guard that was literally frozen in his tracks.

“I wish Spike was here. We could’ve asked him to go to Willie’s.” Dawn replied sullenly.

“Hey, Spike’s not the only one that can threaten Willy for information. I’ll have you know, I’ve beat up Willy plenty of times!” Xander defended.

“Sure you have honey.” Anya commented as she walked past the table to replace a jar of Alumroot powder on the shelf, still huffing over having to do it herself.

“You know, it’s kinda boring around here now that he’s gone. He’s actually kind of funny…” Willow smiled ruefully.

“Hey, I’m funny!” Xander defended.

“W-well I miss him.” Tara said shyly. Xander and Willow glanced at her questioningly. “H-he was always nice to me. S-sometimes when I felt a little l-left out, he’d talk to me.” Tara blushed. Willow smiled sadly and patted her girl-friends hand.

“Yeah, I miss him too, sweetie.”

“I miss his work. He was a hard worker, you know. And he actually started to pay for his Burba weed.” Anya said.

“Well, I guess I kinda miss playing pool with him…” Xander relented.

As the group of Scoobies discussed Spike’s disappearance, no one noticed Dawn slipping out the front door, into the sunny afternoon.

* * *

Spike was slightly drunk as he flipped though Lorne's CD collection. After all, he wasn’t going to go up on that stage without being thoroughly pissed first. He had the bottle of tequila in one hand while he flipped through the CDs with the other.

“Boring, Boring, Disco, Beatles, Disco, boring, Yanni?!?” Deep sigh, “Boring, boring...Bloody Hell, man, you call yourself a demon? NO demon worth his horns would listen to...” Spike held up one of the albums and read the blurry label. “The Best Of The Partridge Family! Let alone sing along with it!” Spike grimaced while tossing the CD over his shoulder and continued going though the collection.

“Just pick a song, hansom.” Lorne grumbled as he walked behind Spike and continued picking up the CDs from the floor. He picked up the ‘Best of the Partridge Family’ and dusted it off.

“Don’t worry, I'm sure he didn’t mean anything personal by it." He told David Cassidy on the cover. Spike rolled his eyes and took a long drink from the tequila bottle.

* * *

“Well, she was here a minute ago…” Anya said as she looked underneath a book, as if Dawn would be hidden under it. The group had finally realized that Dawn was missing from the Magic Box twenty minutes after she disappeared.

“Do you think she went home? You know…She, she could have gotten bored, or-or something.” Willow said nervously.

“Don’t you think she would have told one of us? Or told Buffy?” Xander said.

“Tell me what?” Buffy asked as she came out of the training room, wiping her face with a towel.

“Uh… we seem to have…well, miss-placed Dawn.” Willow fidgeted in her chair.

“What?” Buffy’s face fell and her body went rigid.

“Well, she was here a second ago…” Willow finished lamely.

“You guys weren’t watching her?” Buffy said, trying to keep her anger in check.

“Well, yeah, we were, but we got a little….distracted.” Willow said.

“Look, Buffster, it’ll be okay, we’ll find her. It’s no big.”

“No big?” Buffy said, loosing her temper. “No big?! My little sister is *missing*! My little sister that gets into more trouble than anyone I’ve ever known! And you’re telling me it’ll be okay?? How will it be okay?!”

“Buffy, calm down.” Xander said.

“No! No, I will not calm down! I give you guys the simple task of keeping an eye on my sister while I train, and you can’t even do that! For Christ’s sake, there are four people in this room, and not *one* of you noticed she was missing? God, I can’t believe this! Spike would have never…” Buffy suddenly bit off her sentence as the sharp twist in her heart reminded her that Spike was gone. *Spike would have never lost her.* Buffy finished the sentence in her mind.

“Buffy…” Willow started, but when the bell above the front door to the shop jingled, everyone looked up to see Dawn walk through the door.

“Dawn? Oh my God, where have you been?” Buffy rushed over to her sister and hugged her.

“Ow, geez, Slayer strength, remember?” Dawn complained.

“Where the hell have you been? You scared me half to death!” Buffy said as she released her sister from the hug.

“Geez Buffy, don’t freak out. It’s still daylight outside. See?” Dawn pointed out the shop window at the tinting sky. It was just now sunset. Buffy visibly relaxed a little.

“Where did you go?” Buffy asked.

“Willy’s.” Dawn replied nonchalantly.

“What??” Everyone said at the same time.

“Willy’s? You went to Willy’s?!” Buffy exploded again.

“I went to ask if he knew where Spike was.”

“You went to Willy for information?” Xander asked, stunned.

“Well, yeah, no one else was going to do it. You guys were all busy.” Dawn shrugged.

“Dawn you should have asked me, I would have gone.” Buffy said.

“Yeah, right. You were too busy taking out all your anger on your punching bag. I mean, come on Buffy, I know you miss him, but beating up a punching bag isn’t going to bring him back.” Dawn ranted.

“He left us Dawn. It was his choice.” Buffy told her.

“He left because he thought you wouldn’t trust him. Because you all wouldn’t trust him! He did it because he loves us.” Dawn said, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Yeah… That’s why they all leave.” Buffy said sullenly, thinking of Giles.

* * *

Spike stood apprehensively on the karaoke stage, where the bright lights shining in his eyes made it difficult to see the crowd.

Lorne had pestered him for several long minutes before Spike found a CD, and with a sardonic grin, shoved it in Lorne’s hands and told him which track to play. Lorne grimaced at the CD, and with a dramatic roll of his eyes he gave it to the DJ to go set up the machine. By that time Spike had finished two bottles of tequila, so he was feeling right perky. And when he was feeling perky, he liked to ad-lib the words to the songs. But he didn’t tell Lorne that.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s give ‘Bill’ a big round of applause for that smashing rendition of ‘Free falling’. Really slim, it makes me wish I was free falling. Off a cliff.” Lorne said as he patted the 300-pound Chirago demon on the back and ushered him off the stage while the crowd sparsely clapped.

“Okay, up next we have a special treat. Please welcome, all the way from Sunnydale, William the Bloody.” Lorne announced and the crowd clapped.

“Hey, I didn’t tell you all that… oh, bugger it.” Spike shook his head at Lorne and stepped up to the microphone, tequila bottle still in hand. Lorne took it out of his hand as he walked past, and Spike scowled at him.

“Uh, it’s Spike.” He said into the mic and ran a hand through his hair nervously. Quickly he walked back over to Lorne and grabbed the tequila, taking a deep swallow before pushing it back into Lorne’s hands and walking back to the mic. Lorne grimaced at the tequila and ordered himself a Sea breeze as he walked over to the Chirago demon to give him his reading.

“Right then. Let’s get this over with.” Spike said and cued the music.

(Authors Note: The song Spike sings is Offspring’s version of “Feelings”, but Spike takes a bit of…creative liberty to it.) 

“Feelings   
Nothing more than feelings   
Trying to forget my   
Feelings of hate   
Imagine   
Beating on your face   
Trying to forget my   
Feelings of hate

Feelings, bloody soddin’ feelings   
I wish i'd never met you   
You'll make me sick again”

 

Spike had chosen this song for two reasons. It expressed his feelings towards the Slayer, the warring feelings of love and hate. It also expressed his hate towards the feelings that no vamp should be having. 

“Feelings   
Woah oh, feelings   
Woah oh, feelings   
Of hate on my mind

Feelings   
Feelings like I never liked you   
Feelings like I always loved you   
Live in my heart

Feelings   
Feelings like I want to kiss you   
Feelings like I can’t get you   
Out of my mind

 

As Spike continued to sing, he began to get more and more pissed. He was starting to practically shout into the mic. 

“Feelings   
Oh those bloody feelings   
Damn those soddin feelings   
Get out of my mind!

Feelings   
Bloody stupid feelings   
Mother fucking feelings   
They’re not very nice

Feelings   
Piece of shit feelings   
Bloody fucking feelings   
I can’t get them off of my mind!!

Feelings   
Fuck those fucking feelings   
Wont go away fucking feelings   
Get the fuck out of my liiiiiife!!”

 

As the last chords of the music died out, the crowd was on their’ feet cheering. Lorne made his way up to the stage again and took the mic.

“Wow, what a performance! Let’s here it for Spike!” Lorne prompted the audience, and the crowd complied. Spike smiled abashedly and walked off the stage to wait for Lorne as he announced the next singer.

“Alright folks, our next victim is Sheglrde from the Lrgk’ni dimension.” Lorne said and then walked off the stage to give Spike his reading, just as the opening riffs to “Achy breaky heart” started.

Lorne walked Spike over to a table in a private corner.

“Right then, I sang, so tell me where the Initiative buggers are.”

“Woah, woah, slow down sugar. First off, I’m going to tell you right now, you don’t need the Initiative.”

“What the bloody hell are you talking about? Of course I need the bloody bastards.”

“So you can get them to put a chip back in your head? I know, precious. You don’t need the chip. Tell me, has the thought of snacking on a human even crossed your mind since you realized the chip was gone?”

Spike’s eyebrows raised in shock. He didn’t even realize it. He looked around the karaoke bar. There were plenty of humans in the place, and he knew it. And he has been chip-free, so why didn’t the thought cross his mind?

“The first Evil couldn’t even get you to kill the Slayer.” Lorne replied casually.

“Hold on a bloody minute! You know about the Slayer and the evil bint?”

Lorne nodded, but his focus was on the singing demon on stage.

“Great, another Dorothy.” Lorne shook his head. Off of Spike’s confused look Lorne continued. “There’s no place like home, or in his case, no place like hell.” Lorne gestured to the demon on stage. Spike growled in annoyance and Lorne rolled his eyes.

“Alright, alright, calm down blue-eyes. Look, it wasn’t the chip that was keeping you from killing humans. I mean, yeah, it was like that at first, but as time went on, as you got to know them more, you stopped wanting to snack on the general populace. I mean, really, who wants to eat a hamburger if you can talk to the cow and get to know it? It just doesn’t work that way, Billy boy, that’s why some humans turn Vegan.” Lorne said as he motioned to a waitress and ordered another Sea breeze, and Spike ordered a beer.

“Yeah, but why the bleeding hell do I have all these soddin’ feelings of guilt? Evil soul-less vampire here, guilt isn’t part of the bloody package! And stop calling me Billy!!”

“Okay, first off, don’t give me the ‘evil vampire’ talk because that isn’t you. You may have been evil before the chip, but that’s because your demon wasn’t as in-check as it is now. Second, you don’t have to have a soul to feel guilt. The demon just subdues it. Having the chip allowed your subdued feelings come to light. That’s how you realized you love the Slayer. You admired her from the first moment you saw her, you just didn’t know it. Or wanted to know it. Didn’t your ex break up with you because of the Slayer?”

“How do you know all this?” Spike asked skeptically. The waitress set down their’ drinks and Spike vamped out, biting off the cap on the bottle, while Lorne daintily sipped on his beverage.

“I have the gift, luscious. I read auras. Hey, speaking of the Slayer, I’d love to take a peek at her soul. From what I get from you, she’s one hell of a lady. The kind you’d do anything for, am I right?”

“Yeah.” Spike said sullenly.

“The kind you’d willingly endure hours of torture by a Hell goddess for?”

“Yeah.” Spike admitted.

“The kind you’d reject evil for?”

“Yeah.” Spike grimaced and took a swig of his beer.

“The kind you’d track down a shady government branch so that they put another chip in your head for?”

“Bloody hell, yes, what’s your point?!”

“I’m just saying that you love the girl. So what are you doing here in LA, and not back in Sunnydale?”

“She won’t trust me without the soddin’ chip!” Spike said as he flicked the bottle cap to his beer as hard as he could across the room. In a distant corner someone yelled “Ow!! Hey!!”

Both Lorne and Spike ignored it and continued their’ conversation. 

“Oh, honey, you really think that? She does trust you. I’m not saying that your relationship with the Slayer is going to be all peaches and cream, it’s going to be really rough at times…and quite frankly, I think you two wouldn’t have it any other way. That Slayer is going to need a lot of help. She’s had it real tough, and frankly, it’s not going to get any easier. She has some abandonment issues right now, and weather or not she realizes it, you’re what she needs. So I ask again, what are you still doing here?”

“Are you just trying to get rid of me?” Spike asked with a wry grin.

Lorne just smiled deviously and raised his glass to Spike in a toast.

* * *

“But…”

“No buts Dawn! I said you’re grounded.” Buffy said as she closed the front door to the Summers’ home behind her and Dawn. They both hung up their coats, and Buffy stalked angrily into the kitchen, with Dawn trailing behind her

“I don’t see what I did wrong.” Dawn whined.

“You left without telling me where you were going! And you went to Willy's, Dawn! You tell me what’s wrong with that sentence.” Buffy said sternly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“But it was for a good cause!” Dawn defended.

“What? The ‘let’s see how fast I can get myself killed’ cause? Not buying it!”

“I was perfectly safe! I know how to protect myself, okay? Spike taught me some self defense moves.” Dawn replied haughtily.

“He did?” Buffy was taken aback.

“Yeah.”

“When was this?” Buffy asked confused.

“About a week ago…” Dawn trailed off nervously.

“Dawn…what happened?” Buffy asked, narrowing her eyes at her sister in suspicion.

“Okay, so maybe I might have gotten attacked by a vamp on the way to Janice’s house…”

“WHAT?!” Buffy shouted. “What were you doing out after sunset?!”

“That’s not the point Buffy. The point is Spike saved me. Then after the hour long lecture, he decided to start teaching me some self defense.”

“That doesn’t mean you should go looking for trouble, Dawn, and Willies is trouble.”

“Well, I got what I wanted, so it was worth it.” Dawn replied haughtily and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“What do you mean?” Buffy took the bait.

“I found out where Spike is.” Dawn said, trying to contain a triumphant smile.

Buffy was silent for several minutes.

“And?” Buffy prompted in what she hoped was a casual voice.

“L.A. A place called Carters… or Cartias. No, that doesn’t sound right… Caritas. Yeah, that’s it…. I think.”

“Caritas? What’s a Carita?” Buffy asked, puzzled.

“A bar. Willy said it was an information hot spot. Apparently there’s this demon there that can read souls and give you information or something.” Dawn shrugged.

“How did you get all of this information from Willy?” Buffy asked suspiciously.

“I told him that Spike was off his leash, and I’d have Spike pay a visit to him if he didn’t cooperate.” Dawn replied with an evil grin. Buffy laughed at the mental image of Willy wetting himself at the thought of a de-chipped Spike.

“Alright, I forgive you…but don’t do that again, got it?” Buffy demanded.

“I promise. That place is really icky anyway.” Dawn said, curling up her nose at the thought.

“Tell me about it. So…. What are we having for dinner?” Buffy said, hoping to change the subject, as she rummaged through the refrigerator and then the cupboards. She grimaced and turned to face her sister. “Take-out or pizza?”

* * *

Spike parked the Desoto next to the curb in front of the Summer’s home. Lorne had practically shoved him out the door of the bar, with the parting words “Don’t come back without the Slayer!”

Spike had jumped into the Desoto and sped back to Sunnydale as fast as he could.

He glanced at his watch. It was well after midnight. Buffy would be out on patrol, and Dawn would be, or rather *should* be asleep by now. Spike glanced up at Dawn’s window, checking to see if her light was on, which it wasn’t. He climbed out of the driver’s seat, closed and locked the doors before heading out into the cemetery, following his senses to lead him to the Slayer.

He knew he was getting closer as he passed freshly disturbed graves and piles of dust coating the grass. He heard a fight off in the distance and headed off into that direction.

He arrived on the scene just as she dusted the last vampire. She sighed and tucked away her stake into her waistband.

“You know, you could have put up a struggle or something…” Buffy scowled at the pile of dust at her feet. “You vamps just aren’t any fun.” She pouted.

“I hope that means present company excluded, love.” Spike said as he stepped out of the shadows in front of her. 

Buffy stood there, speechless, with her mouth opening and closing. Spike chuckled.

“I’m happy to see you too, pet.” Spike grinned and leaned in to give her a kiss.

Buffy seemed to recover from her stupor and punched him in the nose angrily. 

“Ow!! Bloody hell woman, what the hell was that for?” Spike shouted as he reeled back and covered his nose with his hand protectively.

“You didn’t have to leave you idiot! You didn’t even talk to me about it! You just left! I’m so mad at you!” Buffy shouted.

“I did it because I want you to trust me! You can’t love me if you can’t trust me! Bloody hell, I even want the blasted Scoobies to trust me, and I know you can’t if I-” Spike shouted back, but was cut off by the Slayer knocking him off his feet, and kissing him senseless.

When Buffy finally came up for air, she saw a very bewildered, amused and breathless Spike. Buffy thought it funny how he gulped in air, although he didn’t need it.

“Well Slayer, one thing I can say about you, you always keep me on my toes.” Spike said in an octave higher than it should have been. He cleared his throat to get it back to normal.

“So…um, miss me, then?”


	6. Chapter 6

Buffy and Spike had decided to wait until morning to announce Spike’s return to the group, since it was late. Buffy didn’t ask where he was, or what happened, and Spike was actually relieved. He wasn’t stupid though, he knew the firing squad of questions would come the next morning at the Scooby gathering. So after he helped her finish patrol, they went home, and collapsed into bed. Buffy’s bed.  
Spike awoke at 2pm to an empty bed. He got up, got dressed and headed downstairs. Buffy was sitting at the kitchen island eating a salad. Spike grimaced.

“I don’t know how you manage to survive on that stuff. You’re too skinny.” He mumbled as he dug a container of blood out of the fridge, poured it into his mug and popped it into the microwave, pressing the “blood” button.   
Not long after Spike started staying over night, Dawn had written the word “blood” on a little sticker and stuck it on the beverage button, which heated his blood perfectly.

 

“Am not.” Buffy replied.

“Pet, you look like a stiff breeze could knock you over.” Spike said. The microwave beeped and he took out his mug, sipping on it. Buffy just rolled her eyes and shoved a fork full of salad in her mouth, chewing loudly.

“Mmm.” She moaned dramatically. It was Spike’s turn to roll his eyes.

“So…how’s Dawn doing?” Spike asked, purposely avoiding the subject of his whereabouts.

“She’s the same as she was two days ago, although slightly grounded.” Buffy said as she picked up her now empty salad bowl and put it in the sink.

“Grounded? What did she do this time? If she was makin’ out with a guy I’ll kill him…” Spike growled, remembering the conversation he and Dawn had after he bought her the red dress.

Buffy chuckled.

“Do you know how much you sounded like an over-protective father just now?”

Spike nearly choked on his blood.

“Bloody hell! Why’d you go and say somethin’ like that?” Spike asked in horror. Buffy raised an eyebrow at him as if to say ‘duh’.

“Bloody hell. I’ve become a soddin’ father figure.” Spike mumbled in defeat.

Buffy grinned.

“Well, we should probably get going. The Scooby meeting is at 3, so Dawn will be there.” Buffy said as she got up and headed up the stairs. “Oh, by the way, remind me to stake you later for buying Dawn that dress!” Buffy called down to him from the top of the stairs.

Spike nearly chocked on his blood again.

“Bugger…!”

* * *

“Just let me handle this…”

“Oh come on, it’s not like their gonna stake me on sight..!” Spike scoffed, but then his face fell. “Are they?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. They were walking down the street about a block away from the Magic Box.

“You know their probably going to be suspicious about where you were.”

“And you’re not?” Spike raised his eyebrows at her.

“Nope. I knew where you were.”

Spike did a double take. “What?”

“Well, I knew as of last night, but I knew nonetheless.” Buffy admitted.

“How?”

“Actually, that’s why Dawn is grounded. She ran off to Willies to go threaten him for information.”

A proud look crossed over Spike’s face.

“Yeah? The nibblet beat up the snitch?” Spike chuckled, but quickly turned angry. “Bloody hell, what the hell was she doing in that place? I’ll…”

“You’ll what? Buy her a new dress? I took care of it, I told you, she’s grounded.”

Spike nodded in agreement, but then suddenly stopped walking, halting Buffy as well.

“Hey wait a minute, no one was watching her?” Spike asked through clenched teeth. Buffy looked down at the ground and bit her lip.

“The gang was.”

“Bloody hell, I’ll kill them.” Spike swore as he continued walking toward the shop at a quicker pace, forcing Buffy to catch up.

“Uh, Spike, as a member of the non-chipped vampire committee, empty death threats? Not so empty anymore.” Buffy said just as they arrived at the shop entrance.

“Right then. Bugger.” Spike nodded his head and ran a hand through his hair. “Hey, how did you know it’s still gone?”

Buffy grinned slyly at him, opened the door to the shop and walked in, leaving a stunned Spike out side the shop.

Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya all looked up from the research table when the bell above the Magic Box door announced Buffy’s arrival.

“Hey Buffy!” Willow greeted her.

“Hey guys. Dawn here yet?” Buffy asked as she walked over to the table.

“Nope, the Dawnster hasn’t come back from school yet.” Xander said as he closed a large dusty book.

“Oh. Well, uh, guys….” Buffy started to announce Spike’s return, but a scream from out side of the shop cut her off, and Spike shouting “Ooof! Bloody hell!”

The entire group shot out of their chairs and followed the sound out side.

Living on the Hellmouth, the group expected to see anything from Hell beasts to zombies, but the scene they came upon was definitely unexpected.

Spike, bowled over by an over-enthusiastic Dawn.

“Spike!! You’re back! Oh my God! You’re back!!” Dawn shouted as she practically mauled the vampire by kissing him on the cheek and hugging him.

“Bloody hell, platelet, what have you been eating? Bricks?”

“Buffy! Spike’s back! I told you he’d come back!” Dawn announced happily.

“Yeah, I see that Dawn.” Buffy chuckled at the bewildered vampire with an overly excited Dawn attached to him.

“Uh, a little help here love…?”

“Oh no, you deserve what you get from the Dawnster.” Buffy chuckled.

“Well, well, I see chip-boy found his way home.” Xander spoke up, reminding them of Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya standing there, watching them curiously.

“Er, right. ‘Allo all.” Spike nodded a greeting to the gang.

“If you expect leave without pay, you’ve got another thing coming mister!” Anya piped up, pointing her finger at Spike accusingly.

“Down, honey.” Xander put his hand on her arm to calm her. “I’m sure Chip-boy doesn’t. Oh, damn. I guess I can’t call you chip-boy anymore, can I?” Xander commented wryly.

“So you told them already?” Spike asked Buffy.

“We kind of figured it out on our own. You were only gone for two days.” Tara offered.

“Oh. Right then. So…what, no welcome home party?” Spike teased and the group groaned unanimously.

* * *

“I still don’t see what we’re doing here.” Buffy complained as the group walked through the doors of the bar.

“Because pet, I want you to meet someone.” Spike said as he led the group to a table next to the stage.

“What’s a Cartias?” Xander asked as he pulled out Anya’s chair for her, and then sat down himself.

“It’s Latin for Mercy.” Willow supplied, as she looked around the bar. There were several Demons sitting at the tables, and at the bar drinking and chatting.

“What kind of bar is this?” Tara asked, glancing at the vampire belting out “bad to the bone” on stage.

“It’s my bar.” Lorne said as he walked up to the group. “Well, well, Billy boy, I see you brought the whole family. Hello all, my name is Lorne, and I’m the Host of Caritas.”

The group made various greetings, while Spike growled “Stop calling me Billy.”

“And I see you brought me a Slayer. I’m pleased to meet you, Buffy.” Lorne said to her.

“Thanks, I think.”

“Well aren’t you the cutest little thing, and I bet you have a hell of a voice.”

“Yeah, you should have heard her sing when….” Spike started to say, but stopped after taking in all of the dirty looks he was getting from the group. “Uh, never mind.”

“Sweets, right? He’s such a show off.” Lorne rolled his eyes.

“You know the dancing prig?” Spike scowled at the green-skinned demon.

“Not the way you’re thinking, Billy. We’re not friends. I don’t agree with the whole bride summoning deal. If you ask me, it’s a terrible way to pick up a date.” Lorne shook his head in agreement with himself.

“So Spike, what are we doing here?” Buffy said, looking around the bar, mentally calculating how many demons she might have to slay, and how to slay them with just a few stakes hidden in strategically places, and a knife in her boot. Lorne observed her predatory gaze and raised his hands in surrender.

“Easy sweetie, my bar has a strict no-violence rule, and that goes for Slayers as well.”

“Kermit here wanted to meet you.” Spike said, carelessly gesturing to Lorne as he waved a waitress over. Lorne rolled his eyes and mumbled something about lame comebacks. Everybody ordered a drink as the conversation went on.

“That’s right honey, I got a glimpse of you through Billy boy, and I wanted to read you myself.”

“Read?” Willow asked.

“I can read people’s auras, and pick up information you may need. My usual, precious.” Lorne said to the waitress.

“Oh wow! Can we get readings too?” Willow asked excitedly.

“There’s a small catch Red.” Spike commented.

“What’s that?” Willow asked.

“You gotta sing.” Spike pointed up to the stage where a Fyarl demon was grunting his way through a song no one could identify.

Willow visibly paled. “Oh. I don’t need a reading then.”

“Oh come on honey, I’m sure you have more talent than you give yourself credit for.” Lorne said. The waitress came back with their drinks, and Lorne sipped his Sea breeze. “Mmm! Delightful.” He sighed.

“Yeah Wills, it can’t be that bad.” Buffy said.

“That’s right princess, that’s why you’re next.” Lorne told her. Buffy swiftly turned to him, her face the perfect picture of shock.

“What??”

“You said it yourself, it can’t be that bad. Billy did it, and he’s still in one piece.”

“Stop calling me Billy!” Spike growled.

“Spikey sang a wittle song? Again?”

“Shut up Harris.”

“I’m not going to sing.” Buffy stated firmly.

“Oh come on pet…”

“No way! There’s no chance in hell!” Buffy shouted.

* * *

“Next up we have a very special little lady from Sunnydale! Let’s give it up for Buffy!” Lorne announced into the mic, and the crowd clapped, the majority of the cheering coming from the Scooby’s table. Lorne handed the mic to Buffy as he walked off the stage, leaving the Slayer standing uncomfortably in the blinding spotlights. Buffy decided that the best option would be to run just when the music started on the Karaoke machine. She glanced over at the Scooby’s table, focusing on Spike as best she could. He gave her a nod of encouragement and she smiled nervously. The words on the monitor appeared, signaling her to sing. She started out quietly, her voice slightly wavering. 

 

“I had no choice but to hear you   
You stated your choice time and again   
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess   
I'm not used to liking that   
You ask how my day was”

 

The beat of the music picked up and Buffy started to get into it. 

 

”You've already won me over in spite of me   
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet   
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are   
I couldn't help it   
It's all your fault”

 

Buffy glanced up at Spike and she saw a knowing grin plastered on his face. He knew the song was for him. The smug bastard. 

 

”You love is thick and it swallowed me whole   
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for   
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me   
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet   
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are   
I couldn't help it   
It's all your fault

You are the bearer of unconditional things   
You held your breath and the door for me   
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met   
You're my best friend   
Best friend with benefits   
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before   
I've never wanted something rational   
I am aware now   
I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me   
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet   
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are   
I couldn't help it   
It's all your fault”

 

Buffy sang the hell out of the last chorus, and when she was finished and the music died out, the crowd was cheering, giving her a standing ovation. She almost thought she could see tears in Spike’s eyes.

“Beautiful! Absolutely magnificent!” Lorne told her as best he could over the loud applause. “But I think you have something else to say to a certain someone, don’t you? He needs to hear it.” Lorne smiled at her knowingly. Buffy nodded confidently. The applause started to die down when the crowd noticed she was waiting to say something.

“I have something I need to say.” Buffy said into the mic, and the room quieted. Buffy looked directly at Spike.

“William….I’m in love with you.” Buffy said. She saw the Scoobies glance over at Spike, who seemed to be dumbstruck for a second. Before any of them could blink, Spike was jumping on the stage with Buffy and kissing her passionately.

The crowd let loose the loudest cheer Caritas ever witnessed. Several patrons recognized Spike from two days ago, and were happy to see the heartbroken vamp win his love over. Others cheered over the passion the two displayed in their kiss, while the Scoobies, knowing the whole story, whooped and hollered for their best friend’s happiness.

* * *

Back in Sunnydale a sinister figure leaned over, picked up a mystical object and placed it in the center of the circle painted in blood around him.

“Etheos, God of destruction and chaos, hear me. I summon thee to do my bidding. Send to me an ally to aide us in our sinister workings.” The figure said ominously, sprinkling a fine dust over the mystical object. A flash of red light blinded the room, but then quickly died out. A plume of smoke residue caused by the flash of light hung in the air, filling it with the smell of burning hair.

“Dude, did it work?” Andrew coughed, waving the smoke from his face. The trio looked about their ‘underground lair’ expecting to see some sort of demon of destruction, but nothing had appeared.

“I’d have to say no. Way to go bone head.” Warren groaned, picked up Jonathan’s magic bone out of the circle and hit him upside the head with it.

“Ow! Hey, don’t touch my magic bone!” Jonathan angrily grabbed it back, holding it to his chest protectively. Warren and Andrew snickered.

“Shut up!” Jonathan shouted.

“Okay, obviously our plans are getting lamer and lamer.” Warren said, taking charge and walked up to the dry-board and crossed off the list: “Summon demon of destruction”.

“Yeah, and who’s idea was it to send those weird monks after Spike?” Andrew glared at Warren.

“Shut up. It sounded like a good idea at the time. It was your stupid book that said it would summon ‘the First Evil’ to make him go insane!”

“Yeah, well it obviously didn’t work!” Jonathan chimed in.

“Hey! I think we’re getting a little off focus here! The plan was to take over Sunnydale. I thought that having ‘the First Evil’ to slay would kind of tie the Slayer up for more than a few days!” Warren shouted back.

“Hey, that’s not a bad idea… tie up the Slayer…” Andrew said almost dreamily as he giggled nervously.

“Shut up.” Warren waved his hand dismissively at Andrew. “We need a *real* plan, not these lame ass ideas we’ve been scraping together. We need a way to bring down the Slayer once and for all.” Warren said, fully getting into his ‘sinister plot’ character.

“Gentlemen.” A deceptively polite voice said from behind them, near the basement door leading outside. All three geeks whirled around to see a small man with gray hair standing there.

“Who the hell are you?” Warren said in full defense mode, as he grabbed a small remote control like device that looked something like a taser from Star Trek. Jonathan grabbed his magic bone and held it menacingly and Andrew, not knowing what else to do, held up his fists in a fighting stance and scowled rather pathetically in an attempt to look tough.

“Now, now, is that any way to treat a new ally?” The man smiled, giving no hint to the evilness that hid behind that smile.

“Ally?” Warren looked at the old man skeptically.

“Oh yes, I believe you summoned for my master’s aide?” The old man leered malevolently.

The three nerds visibly relaxed.

“So, you’re here to help us defeat the Slayer then?”

“Oh yes, it will be a pleasure.” The old man smiled sinisterly, seething with anger.

“Okeedoke then. Say, what do we call you?” Warren asked almost cheerfully.

“You may call me Doc, young man.” Doc said, positively radiating evilness.

* * *

Epilogue:

The gang was piled in Spike’s Desoto on their way back to Sunnydale. It was late, sometime around 3AM, and Spike was the only one awake since he was the driver. Anya, Xander, Willow and Tara were all snuggled up to their’ lovers in the back seat, while Buffy was sleeping peacefully on Spike’s shoulder. As Spike drove on the freeway, headed home, Lorne’s words to Buffy after her song echoed in his mind: 

 

“All I can say, sweets, is that you’re far from over. You haven’t even begun. Don’t give me that look, I know you’ve heard that a lot… but it’s true. It’s going to be tough, I won’t lie to you about that. Things will change, the people you love will change, you will change. But you are where you need to be. I know things don’t make a lot of sense right now, but they will. I know you feel lost, a lot of the time. You have what you need right in front of you. You just need to see it. You’re headed in the right direction though, Billy here is the one you’re supposed to be with. It may not be easy at times, and you will probably question your relationship more times than you can count. But you need each other. You’re made for each other, in fact. It won’t all be peaches and cream, but there will be shinning moments. There are still many battles to be fought, Apocalypses to advert, and daily hell to survive with a teenager under your roof. The little one isn’t finished yet either. She’s going to need a lot of guidance from both of you. She’s not just you’re sister. She belongs to the world. And you two are the ones who need to show it to her. An old enemy will resurface, and you will both have to face your fears. Death may have been your gift, but life is your destiny. Live you’re life again, Buffy. Don’t be afraid of it. Life *is* a song Buffy. Don’t be afraid to sing it.”

 

Spike lovingly stroked Buffy’s hair as she slept.

“I’ll be here with you, love. I’ll protect you all… ‘til the end of the world.” Spike promised. 

THE END


End file.
